Beyond Zork: Final Ranking

Don't try to fight fire with fire: A life lesson from Beyond Zork

Let's get this out of the way at the outset: Beyond Zork is not a CRPG. It's a text adventure with some CRPG elements attached. I probably should have rejected it for this blog on dogmatic grounds. On the other hand, I had an awful lot of fun playing it, and solving the puzzles (mostly) without help was an ego-booster. I also added two new words--burin and palimpsest--to my vocabulary.

Nonetheless, I'm going to rank this as a CRPG. For the uninitiated, I use the GIMLET scale (described here) for the scoring.

1. Game World. Small and goofy. The landscape, features, and people serve the puzzles and plot, not any sensible order. The jungle, gondola ride, platypus castle, war between Borphee and Pheebor, and so on are all part of the fun, but they obviously don't go together. They also don't fit terribly well with the lore established in the game's backstory. It's not supposed to be a good CRPG game world, but then again, check the title of the blog. However, unlike many actual CRPGs of the era, the game remembers your actions, and your actions have consequences for the world. Final score: 5.

2. Character Creation and Development. Most text adventures don't have this at all, and it's only Beyond Zork's small nods in this area that even begin to qualify it as a CRPG. You can choose from several existing characters or make your own, assigning a name, sex, and five attributes. As you defeat monsters, you rise in level and thus endurance, and your other attributes increase with various items, potions, and spells. Higher scores allow you to solve or shortcut puzzles, so your stats do matter even if your sex doesn't. The limited game world means development is limited, but it's still better than some early CRPGs. Final score: 4.

It's nontraditional character development, but it's character development.

3. NPC Interaction. There aren't many NPCs in the game world, but they are all memorable, from the crusty old sailor to the conniving cook to the pontificating Cardinal Toolbox. You do have to interact with them to advance in the game world, and they have honestly interesting things to say. Moreover, the parser, which allows you address them directly (SAILOR, HELLO!), ask questions (ASK COOK ABOUT ONION), and give commands (TOOLBOX, GIVE ME THE RELIQUARY) is about as open-ended as dialog choices get. There aren't really "role playing" options here, but it's still very enjoyable. Final score: 7.

4. Encounters & Foes. My GIMLET scale wants "unique monsters." Folks, I give you monkey grinders, cruel puppets, lucksuckers, Christmas Tree Monsters, and of course grues. These monsters are not only thoroughly described in the manual; the manual gives you clues about their weaknesses and the means needed to defeat them. There are even role-playing options with some of them, allowing you to defeat them with cleverness, compassion, or brute force. Many of them, of course, you do not fight in traditional CRPG style, all the encounters are essentially scripted, and the monsters do not respawn once defeated; your experience rewards are limited. Final score: 8.

After three games of being menaced by grues every time your lantern goes out, you actually get to kill three of them in this game. That alone is worth it.

5. Magic & Combat. Combat is very basic in the game, consisting of typing attack commands and hoping to score a hit based on your attributes and luck. Magic is through scrolls, potions, and wands, and mostly geared towards specific puzzles, although you have a lot of flexibility in how you use some of them. There are no real "tactics" to combat, though. Final score: 3.

6. Equipment. Like most adventure games, you have a wide variety of items in Beyond Zork, most needed to solve puzzles, but some (sword, plate mail, cloak) just to make life easier. You can gauge relative worth of the equipment from its value, and each item is fairly well described with the EXAMINE command. Some key plot items are always found in the same place, but many of the magic items are randomized within the game world, making each game a slightly different experience. Beyond Zork is unique in that it lets you give your own names to your weapons and animal companions. Final score: 6.


7. Economy. You don't get any cash for killing creatures, but there are a number of treasures that serve no purpose except to sell them, and you can always sell expended magic items and used plot items. It's worth doing this so you can save for your suit of plate armor, cloak, and sword, as well as one major plot item (the hourglass). Towards the end of the game, though, money stops serving any purpose, and in general the monetary system is more of an afterthought than an integral part of the game. Final score: 3.

8. Quests. There is only one "quest," although with many puzzles, and it is introduced in a very strange manner, more than halfway through the game, via a circumstance that you create. Until this happens, it's hard to know what your character's motivation is except "because it's there." As far as I can tell, there's only one outcome to the main quest, and it doesn't really follow from the quest itself (i.e., the Implementors give you the quest, and you never see them again). Final score: 2.

9. Graphics, Sound, and Inputs. Well, it's a text adventure, so we don't really look for graphics and sound. (Sound consists of an occasional beep when your stats go up or down.) The text-based controls do work quite well, though, with the game recognizing most words that you would think to type in any given situation. Final score: 3.

10. Gameplay. Gameplay toes the line between linear and nonlinear. The world is fairly small, and most of time spent in the game comes from solving puzzles, not exploring the world. Within the limited world, you have general freedom as to what order you do things. It isn't replayable at all, but it does offer the right challenge level--just frustrating enough at times to, well, make you detour to another game for a little while, but not so frustrating that you give up in despair. I thought its level was almost perfect. I'm surprised I was able to complete it without any major hints, although if it was just a little more frustrating, I probably would have succumbed. Final score: 5.

Final score: 46. The little non-CRPG gets a higher score than any CRPG I've played except Ultima III, Ultima IV, Starflight, and Might & Magic. I'm on board with that 100%. If this wasn't supposed to be a blog about CRPGs, I could give it additional points for its sense of humor and quality of writing.

I maintain this was a good inclusion in the list. Barton notes that Beyond Zork was a unique hybrid: "no other major developers have been willing to revisit the design" (p. 259). As such, it was worth exploring and archiving. I'm ready to get back to slaughtering legions of goblins, though, and I won't miss all the typing.

Beyond Zork: Won!

Think if I tried again, I could do it in fewer moves?

Well, with your help (particularly that of Jason Dyer, who--ahem--knows what he's talking about before he tells me puzzles are "easy"), I won Beyond Zork: The Coconut of Quendor. Damn, that was a tough one.

When I last checked in, I was struggling to figure out what to do at an iridescent dome, how to permanently defeat the Chistmas Tree Monsters, and how to get past the corbies in the Fields of Frotzen. The dome I figured out mostly through brute force: I tried every object at it, before I finally destroyed it with the wand of dispel. The dome turned out to be holding back a volcano, and the result was memorable:

A vortex of energy forms at the tip of the Dispel wand, reaches outward and envelops the iridescent dome in a swirling haze. You watch as it spreads across the perimeter, patiently undoing the mystic forces that define its structure.
Kerblam! The mountain roars with volcanic triumph as a thousand years of pent-up fury breaches the bonds of Time. A plume of white-hot lava swells up from the heart of the mountain, only seconds away from where you stand!

After outrunning the lava, which filled the valley, I waited for it to cool a bit and then inscribed the Christmas Tree Monster-repelling glyph in it with the burin. That permanently saved the day. The mayor of Thriff, Cardinal Toolbox, gave me his reliquary as a reward. This turned out to contain a white hemisphere that, when joined with the black hemisphere I picked up in the cabin, created a gray sphere called the Scrystone of Prosser.

Now, at this point I was all excited because I thought the corbies feared the color gray. You see, in the Fields of Frotzen there are three scarecrows, two guarding devastated fields and one guarding a thriving one where the corbies were terrified rather than enraged. I noted that the scarecrow guarding the thriving field was wearing gray clothing, so I figured with my gray sphere I could scare the corbies off.

Nothing doing. It turns out all of the scarecrows were wearing gray. However, my idea wasn't so far from the truth. Again, I just hung around the working scarecrow, trying all of my items, until I realized that the hurdy-gurdy, when set on the "eye" setting, renders colors more vivid. I was able to tell that the scarecrow was actually wearing mauve. Shortly thereafter, a farm house came spinning out of a tornado, and when I entered it, I found myself swept up to the Land of Froon.

It's not a copyright violation if it's in the public domain.

My arrival crushed a tyrant called the Heeled One, which was basically a giant boot. In reward, the Mayor of Froon let me choose from a selection of colored keys. I picked the mauve one. When I returned to the real world, I used it to get by the corbies and pick the Compass Rose, a magical flower that not only tells which way the wind is blowing but actually changes it.

With the Compass Rose, I was finally able to reach the castle on the back of the pterodactyl. (This entire posting is starting to sound like I'm describing a bad acid trip.) The castle is the home of a platypus princess (yeah, it's getting worse) who had a magic jar with a wand that blows bubbles, but the bubbles take the form of a mirror. I managed to snatch that.

Then came a time in which I didn't have any more puzzles to solve, but I couldn't figure out what to do. Finally, I thought to look inside the Scrystone of Prosser, which showed me a man using a magic word to open a concealed door in a wall. I knew the locations of two walls and both had concealed doors which led to the same network of caves. Unfortunately, something kept breaking my lantern. Navigating through the caves involved blowing a series of mirror-bubbles to angle sunlight from the outside.


I was attacked by a "lucksucker" who killed me a few times before I realized I had to defeat him by throwing my various good luck charms--a horseshoe, a four-leaf clover, and a rabbit's foot--at him. Ultimately, I reached the cave of the ur-grue, who I exposed by angling the sunlight at his corner of the cave.


The ur-grue took the form of an old man. Actually, I got the impression that the ur-grue was just a wizard possessing a grue or something:

In the corner lies a feeble old man, bent with grief. His robes are tattered, his white hair scorched by flame. You slowly rise and draw closer, bending low to touch his shoulder.
Snap! Ten bony fingers clamp around your throat!
"I can always count on fools like you for sympathy," chuckles the not-so-feeble old man as he holds your windpipe shut. "Still, though your mind is weak, your body is young and strong. It will make a suitable vessel until I can find another grue." He grabs your hair, pulls your head back and directs your eyes into his own. "Relax. This won't hurt a bit."

His method of attack involved sucking away my compassion, but it turns out I had too much of it (so that's what it does) so he gave up and took off. From his treasure pile, I retrieved the Coconut of Quendor, and members of the Enchanter's Guild retrieved me for the end game.


It turns out that the various "NPCs" in the game--the old woman running the shops, the sailor painting the canvas, the cook in the tavern, and Cardinal Toolbox--are all enchanters subtly helping me to solve the quest, although this is odd as the main quest didn't even begin until I visited the Implementors. Nonetheless, the game ended by promoting me to a "Level 0 novice" (I had been a "peasant" before that) and promising me more adventures to come.

Alas, none of the later Zorks seem to continue this storyline, so it appears we've left Quendor for good. We've also left the Zork series for good, as none of the later games even pretend to have RPG elements. I can't pretend I won't sneak in a trip to Zork Zero anyway, though.

Taking a video of a text game seemed silly, so what I did--for some reason--is replay the entire game. Knowing the puzzle solutions made it go pretty fast. During the replay, I turned scripting on, so if you want an account of the entire game, click here to read it. I think it's worth sampling just for the quality of the language. I didn't just blow through it on the replay, either; I tried to get as many of the descriptions and jokes into the script as possible.

Final ranking to come later, perhaps with an intervening Dungeon Master posting.

Beyond Zork: Reverse Metamorphosis & Time Travel

Yes, last night I said my next posting would be on Dungeon Master, but I had a two and a half hour car ride this morning, and I used some of that time to think about Beyond Zork. Zink chided me last night, saying the caterpillar/butterfly riddle was "SIMPLE!" Yes, naturally a caterpillar is an earlier version of a butterfly. So what? How do I make a butterfly regress to the caterpillar stage? I messed around with the hourglass for what seemed like hours to no avail.

During the drive, though, I remembered that the hurdy-gurdy had a clock setting. What I had never noticed is that it also has a "lid," meaning I can open it and put something in it. I stuck the butterfly in it, turned the dial to the clock setting, cranked the handle to the left, and sure enough, the caterpillar regressed into a butterfly. Wow. I'm glad I solved the puzzle and everything, but wouldn't it have been a lot easier just to head into the forest and find a freaking caterpillar?!

With the caterpillar, newly dubbed, firmly in my possession, the Christmas Tree Monsters hustled out of my way and a new area opened up to me.

The Christmas Tree Monsters sing grotesque versions of Christmas carols. The game is really quite clever with this.

My biggest revelation in the car, however, concerned the truffle. I reflected that I had:

1. A minx capable of sniffing out and digging up truffles
2. A truffle which, thanks to the magic of the Pool of Eternal Youth, would last forever
3. A spade
4. An hourglass that probably has something to do with turning back time

It seemed rather obvious to me that there would be something whose location I would want to mark in a visit to the past so that my minx could find it in the present. And the only place I could imagine this happening was in the ruins of Pheebor. So I messed around there for a while and while examining an arch in the ruins, found that "the opening beneath is shaped like an hourglass." Well, hell. Entering the arch, I turned the hourglass and found myself in a corridor that allowed me to go backward and forwards in time. Suddenly realizing I'd forgotten to bring my minx, who was presumably required for my idea, and I had to go back and get him.


Long story short: I came across the site of a battle between the nations of Pheebor and Borphee (the war was apparently over the right to name the river). The prince of Pheebor had his head lopped off by a black knight. The game kept emphasizing the prince's helmet. I couldn't take the helmet in the past, so I tossed the truffle into the trench where it lay, returned to the present--actually, I think I ultimately went to the future, where more of the topsoil had been eroded away--and Skavenhorde found the helmet, which increased my intelligence and armor class. This took a long time of messing about.


Afterwards, I took a chance that I was done with the hourglass, sold it, and had enough cash for some decent armor, on which I could use a scroll of protection. My armor class went from 0% to 99% in just a few moves. I hope there are still things to fight.


All right, back to the Christmas Tree Monsters. Past them, I found a cabin in which I found a "burin" (an engraving tool; chalk another one up to "What Have You Learned?"), some wizard's black book, a black "hemisphere," and a snow wight that, when killed, dropped a diamond. Beyond them is an "iridescent dome of light," and I'm not sure what to do there.

[Edit, hours after the original posting: "Snow wight." Just got it. Good one.]

So: several puzzles solved, but I remain stumped at how to get by the corbies in the fields, what I'm supposed to do at the dome, how to permanently solve the Christmas Tree Monster menace, and how to get to the castle I keep seeing from a distance (every time I try to fly there, the game tells me I encounter crosswinds).

A couple of "bad" and "meh" votes from last night's entry makes me think people are sick of Beyond Zork--or maybe I'm going into too much detail--so I'll try to get out a Dungeon Master entry this evening, although it might not be all that comprehensible: I've promised myself that if I can stave off my CRPG addiction long enough to get some actual work done this Veteran's Day, I'll allow myself to liberally indulge my vodka gimlet addiction tonight.

Beyond Zork: Closing In

All right, in an effort to finish up Beyond Zork, I thought I'd craft a half-posting, half-note summary that will help me identify the areas with which I'm still having problems. This is going to get pretty detailed, so skip along to something else if you don't want to learn about the ins and outs of Quendor. I've noted when there are quests or puzzles I can't solve yet.


East Village

This is the name I've given for the beginning area. It consists of a hilltop with an oak tree--one of several oak trees under which the minx finds a truffle once you have him. Nearby is the edge of storms, which I cannot initially pass until I visit the Plane of Atrii and get a goblet from the implementors. I can pick a bit of spenseweed here to heal the pterodactyl later. Down a hill to the east is the wharf, where I can talk to a mysterious sailor creating a painting and find a shillelagh (club) bobbing in the river.

Down the road to the south is "Ye Rusty Lantern, A Public House." The rusty lantern in question is hanging outside, and I take it for use in dungeons; it is renewed with the Scroll of Renewal. The main room has a bearskin rug which I take and use to defeat the dornbeast in the lighthouse. There are a group of bandits who throw a rusty dagger at you that you can renew with the same scroll. There doesn't seem to be anything else to do with the bandits. In the kitchen is the cook who asks me to retrieve a bottle of wine from the cellar in exchange for a giant onion. For some reason, the cook (or maybe one of the bandits?) locks me in the cellar.


In the cellar, I find a scroll that will renew my lantern and allow it to last more than a few minutes (my intelligence must be high enough to read it, though; I got trapped down here once when it wasn't). I also find a bottle of wine at the top of a stack and kill three monsters: a rat-ant, a skeleton, and a discipline crab. There are minor treasures I can sell for zorkmids. There's a bit of moss to squeeze and improve my dexterity, and an amulet that temporarily boosts my strength so I can bash open the locked door (I don't need the amulet if I set my strength high enough in the beginning, but that would come at a sacrifice to other stats).

In the north part of the village is a lighthouse whose entrance opens once I answer a riddle about lightning. There are several foes inside: a spider which I just kill; a giant slug which I kill by throwing salt on it (found up the road a bit); a dust bunny which I kill by hauling in the rug from the tavern, rubbing my feet on it, and touching it; and a dornbeast which I don't think I can kill (I tried for a while), but I can incapacitate by cutting the giant onion in his presence. The dornbeast guards a magical chest that, when opened, transports the opener to the Plane of TransInfinite Splendor, where unicorns roam. There are other assorted treasures in the lighthouse.


Plane of TransInfinite Splendor

I visit this location after opening the chest from the lighthouse. I meet some unicorns who are very unhappy at their treatment over the centuries at the hands of humans, and they warn me not to return. If I do, they consign me to a fate worse than death. I don't think there's anything else I can do in this place but send the monkey grinder here.


Accardi

Accardi is a little village north of the lighthouse. There is a weapons shop here, as well as the abandoned Guild of Enchanters. A little fairy refuses me entrance to the guild, but it isn't long before a monkey grinder appears and kills the fairy. He then tries to kill me, and the only way I've been able to defeat him is to give him the chest and watch him get transported to the Plane of TransInfinite Splendor and, presumedly, a grisly fate. In the abandoned guild, I find a wand of dispel whose use I haven't determined yet.


Moors

The moors are south of the village. Here, an eldritch vapor tries to alternately kill me and steal my items. A guttersnipe also attacks me. There are scattered random treasures. In a mud flat, a pterodactyl is wounded with an arrow through his wing. Helping him involves putting him to sleep with the hurdy-gurdy, taking the arrow out, and healing him with a spenseweed from the edge-of-storms area. I can then take his whistle and use it to summon him three times to give me a ride. So far, I'm not sure exactly where I need to ride to, but I think it's the castle I can see from a distance but not find.



Borphee

Borphee is a village south of the moors. There is an armor shop and a stable containing a unicorn. There is also an amusement ride called a skyway that gives me a ride over the Miznia Jungle.

The unicorn locked in the stable gives a good example of the different ways you can do things in Beyond Zork, unlike its predecessors. Your ultimate goal is to free the unicorn from the stable, partly so you can get compassion points, but partly so you can get in and take the saddle you need for the pterodactyl. You can free her by (a) breaking the gate, either with the aforementioned amulet or just through your own raw strength; (b) pointing the wand of levitation at her and bringing her over the top of the gate; or (c) giving her the chest and letting her open it, returning her to her own land.


Gurth City

When you first visit Gurth City, a vendor drops a fish cake which I eat for a boost to my intelligence statistic. The Magic Shoppe contains a number of useful items, but more important, the old woman who runs it identifies all of the various items I have found. Among the items she sells may be potions that raise my stats and a rabbit's foot that raises my luck.


One of the items she sells is a really expensive hourglass, but I'm not sure what to do with it.

Puzzles remaining:

• Uses for hourglass

Forest

There is a forest north of Gurth City in which I am attacked by a cruel puppet and, after him, a hellhound. The staff/rod/wand of annihilation comes in handy here. There is a clearing in which a riddle gives me access to a "pool of etermal youth," which is nice and all but I didn't expect the game to take that long. Oh...wait...is this where I put the truffles to keep them from spoiling? Confirmed. Damn it. I knew typing this out would help. But then what do I do with the truffles?


North of the forest is Zeno's Bridge, which I can never cross--I can only get closer and closer to the other end. If I get stuck on it, I have to use an umbrella (conveniently there) to jump off and float to safety. The ruins are on the other side, but I can only get to them with the Scroll of Gating or on the back of the pterodactyl.

Puzzles remaining:

• What do do with the truffles after I use them in the pool of eternal youth.

Miznia Jungle

I access Miznia Jungle by boarding a skycar in Borphee and riding it until I can jump to a support tower and climb down (to the tut of the disapproving conductor). Foes include a bloodworm and a crocodile, which I dispatch with my sword. There are scattered treasures. In a pit of quicksand, a baby hungus is sinking, and I must use my rod/wand of levitation to get him out, but first I need to agitate his mother to chasing me to a nearby idol. She serves as a counterbalance on the bottom of the idol as I climb to the top and extract a valuable jewel. She ends up eating the jewel, but a wand of eversion turns her inside out long enough for me to retrieve it. I can then levitate the baby to safety for some compassion points.



Thriff

The village of Thriff is south of the jungle. It is here I can save a minx from a group of hunters by erasing his footprints in the snow. Later, beneath the roots of oak trees, he will dig up truffles for me.


The village is threatened by Christmas Tree Monsters, kept at bay only by a glyph in the swiftly-melting snow. Occupants of a nearby chapel are in a tizzy about this, and a "Cardinal Toolbox" has a sermon on the issue. He is guarding a reliquary that I assme I need at some point. The monsters cannot be killed by weapons or magic. It would seem that I must scare them off with a caterpillar (this is the manual's clue), and Jason Dyer said that I could "make" a caterpillar, but I haven't found how to do that yet. I can also see a castle in the distance but can't seem to reach it.

Puzzles remaining:

• How to find or make a caterpillar so I can get past the Christmas Tree monsters
• How to reach the castle in the distance

Ethereal Plane of Atrii

I reach the plane by using the Scroll of Gating (found in a random location), and from here I can travel quickly to other parts of the map, but it's a bad idea to use it for travel because you only get so many chances to visit. I finally figured out the "vague outline" from the treasure chest turns into a "phase blade" when I visit the plane. I can use it to cut what is another "vague outline" blocking my path, thus allowing me to visit the court of the Implementors.


The Implementors, who alternately insult and ignore me, are clearly intended to represent the game's creators. They make fun of me for any errors I made in spelling earlier. As I watch them mess around with the Coconut of Quendor, an ur-grue suddenly appears and steals it. They task me with retrieving it--thus the main quest begins well into the game! They also give me a goblet to get me past the fields of lightning below.



Fields of Frotzen

The Fields of Frotzen are accessible once I have the goblet from the implementors. The place consists of several fields of scarecrows with angry corbies (giant crows, basically) circling overhead.

Oh, hell! There's a butterfly here! How come I didn't see it before? Clearly, I'm supposed to do something with the butterfly to turn it into a caterpillar. Wait...doesn't this happen the other way around? He was easy enough to catch: he just landed on my goblet and I stuffed him in my pack. Jesus, do I have to tear his wings off?

Elsewhere is an area that I can't access because the corbies block my path. I can't figure a way through or around them. I'm guessing from the manual that I need to be carrying something of a particular color to scare them, but I can't find anything.

Puzzles remaining:

• How to turn the butterfly into a caterpillar, if that's what I have to do.
• How to get past the corbies blocking the north exit

Ruins

The ruins are north of Zeno's Bridge and accessible from the Ethereal Plane of Atrii or by flying on the pterodactyl. There's a spade here, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to dig for. A ghoul and an undead warrior attack me; the latter is defeated with a vial of holy water.


I feel like there must be something else to do in the ruins other than defeat the undead and collect treasures. I'm not sure what it is. I'm guessing it has something to do with the hourglass, perhaps turning back time, given the way the game keeps emphasizing what the place must have looked like in its heyday, and the manual talks about it, too. But nothing I do seems to have any effect.

Puzzles remaining:

• What to do in the ruins

Here are a few miscellaneous notes I've discovered:

• There are potions of death and forgetfulness in the game. Their outcomes are predictable if I drink them. I'm not sure if there's a place to use these on someone else.
• There are many ways you can attack foes, like a spider, including "ATTACK SPIDER WITH SWORD," "KILL SPIDER WITH SWORD," "HIT SPIDER WITH SWORD," and so on. Searching through the documentation, I found that THRUST AT is also a command, and I tried it out, and it seems to result in a hit way more often than any of the other commands. I don't know if this is a bug or not.
• One of the scrolls you find is a Scroll of Fireworks that, when you read it, gives you the credits for the game.
• You hardly ever kill any monsters; instead, you wound them enough that they slink away.
• If you swear, the game reduces your intelligence

That's about the size of it. I feel like I'm pretty close, especially now that I've found that butterfly. I'm going to let my brain mull all of this while I play a little more Dungeon Master, but hopefully we can have a "won!" posting soon.

Beyond Zork: Lost in Quendor

This was painful.

There is effectively no way to win Beyond Zork with the same character you started with. You simply have to accept that 90% of your playing time will involve messing around and figuring out puzzles so that your final character--the one that wins the game--will be able to use the accumulated wisdom. Ultimately, you do something that "breaks" the game. I did it yesterday when I levitated the baby hippo out of the quicksand before I lured his mother to the statue to help me get the jewel. I did it again today when I used up the Scroll of Gating before accomplishing everything I needed to accomplish on the "Ethereal Plain of Atrii." I did it another time today when I wasted my three pterodactyl rides.


Solving the pterodactyl puzzle involved putting it to sleep with the hurdy-gurdy, taking the arrow out of its wing, healing the wing with a special weed (that took me a damned long time; I knew they existed because of the manual, but it's mentioned very obscurely in the place that you find it), putting a saddle on its back, and taking its whistle. You can blow the whistle to summon it three times. Since there are several places you have to fly to and from to visit, you can't waste a trip goofing around, which is what I did.

The problem is, you keep thinking that this time you've figured out all the puzzles, and this character will be the one that goes the distance. Then you realize you've bungled the next puzzle and have to start over again.

Still, starting over beats getting stuck on the puzzles, which is where I remain. The most insidious puzzles are the ones you don't even know exist; you only see pieces of them. For instance, with reader Jason Dyer's help, I figured out how to save the minx from the hunters by erasing its tracks, so now I have a pet minx. I named him after one of my readers.


Now, I know from the manual that minxes find truffles, and sure enough, if I bring the minx to an oak tree and hang around, he ultimately digs one up. But it goes bad within a few moves and dissolves. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with it. There is a road blocked by Christmas Tree Monsters, who are afraid of caterpillars, but damned if I can find any caterpillars. There's a castle that I can see from a couple of angles but I can't find any way to reach it. (The pterodactyl is an obvious solution, but he won't fly against the wind, and the wind always seems to be blowing against me when I try to reach the area that the castle would be in.)

My inventory is chock full of stuff that's probably the solution to one puzzle or another, but I don't know what: a horseshoe, an hourglass, a dispel staff, a shovel, and something called a "vague outline."

The CRPG Addict does not consider himself a man of great willpower--he is, after all, playing CRPGs instead of working on his dissertation--so knowing that the answers to all of these questions are a quick Google search away is driving him a bit crazy. But he shall not succumb.

Nonetheless, I can't keep relying on readers for hints, and I don't want to drag this one out. To solve some of these puzzles, I may have to resort to brute tactics in which I revisit every location and try every object. Thus, I'm going to take the unusual step of playing an interlocutory game while I continue to puzzle through Beyond Zork. My next posting will be on Braminar (tonight; this short posting doesn't constitute a day's work) but I'll devote a little time each day to Beyond Zork--maybe posting updates, maybe not. What I can promise you is there will be a "won!" posting for Beyond Zork eventually.

Beyond Zork: Giant Onions, Unicorns, and Puppets

I could only think of one way to get revenge on the cook for locking me in the cellar.

Quendor is a reasonably small place, and frankly I haven't bothered mapping it because the various sites are fairly easy to remember (and also because certain locations generate random maps). The locations that I've visited so far include:

• A seaside town with a pub (containing the cellar from my previous posting)
• An abandoned lighthouse with various monsters and a mysterious chest at the top guarded by a multi-eyed monster (see below)
• A village called Accardi-by-the-Sea with a weapon shop and an abandoned magicians' guild hall
• An eerie forest with two difficult monsters: a cruel puppet and a hellhound
• Gurth City, which contains Ye Olde Magick Shoppe [note: I found out recently that "ye," when used this way, was actually pronounced "the"]
• A swamp containing gasses and mists, including an evil Eldrich Vapor who tries to steal your stuff, and a wounded pterodactyl
• The town of Borphee, which contains a stable (with a sad unicorn) and an armor shop
• A jungle, accessible by jumping off a gondola during an amusement ride, full of strange beasts and an unreachable jewel

There are treasures, including scrolls, wands, and potions, scattered randomly throughout these areas. Once you find them, the associated shop will identify them and buy them. Shops also sell useful items. I've restarted a couple of times, and sometimes items I found on the ground in one game are in the Magic Shoppe in another, and vice versa. Earlier Zorks didn't have this randomization at all.

My big victory of the day was figuring out what to do with the onion. The whole cutting-an-onion-and-crying thing seemed obvious, but I didn't know who would benefit from crying. I took it to a depressed unicorn and cut it there. I don't know why I thought it would help. Naturally, it just made things worse.

Rolling a giant onion up to a depressed unicorn and cutting it to make her cry ought to send you directly to adventure-game Hell.

I thought I'd try it on the cruel puppet next. Maybe he wouldn't be so cruel if he was sad. But it just made him more cruel, and then he killed me.

The cruel puppet crossed the line.

So I decided to give up on the onion for a while and concentrate on how in the world was I going to defeat the monster at the top of the lighthouse: the Dornbeast, a fearsome creature with 69 eyes--69 "sensitive eyes," as the manual explains. I mean, what an annoying game, right? Giant onions... beasts with 69 sensitive eyes... how am I ever going to get through this game without a walkthrough? Yes, I have become the Homer Simpson of adventure game playing:

As embarrassingly long as it took, I did ultimately figure it out, distracting the dorn with onion fumes long enough to get the chest he was protecting.


I ignored the chest's warning, written on a brass plaque, not to open it. I was teleported to a land of unicorns who were not at all happy with my presence and banished me back to the real world. Just for fun, I opened the chest and visited again, and I--or, I should say, Adamantyr--had one of the more memorable deaths of any adventure game:


Well, if the chest takes the person who opens it to a land of unicorns, it seemed I had a sure way to help one unhappy unicorn locked in a stable. Sure enough, she used it to return home, and I got a boost in compassion for my troubles. I also got a boost in luck when I (as clued in by the manual) kissed her horn.

The chest seemed like a good way to get rid of enemies, so I tried giving it to the cook, the cruel puppet, and a group of bandits to no avail. With the monkey grinder, though, I hit paydirt. (I should have realized this from the manual's description that monkey grinders "suffer an illiteracy rate of 103%.")


With the monkey grinder gone, I was able to get his hurdy-gurdy (yes, another word I will never again get to type in any other CRPG review). An interesting device, it has six settings: eye, ear, nose, mouth, hand, and clock. When you point it to one of the settings and turn the crank, either something good or something bad happens related to the setting. For instance, if it's on "ear," you might hear beautiful music or a horrific cacophony.

The cruel puppet and the hellhound both fell to a Rod of Annihilation that I found somewhere. Getting past them, I came to a boulder with a riddle:

Never ahead, ever behind
Yet flying swiftly past
For a child, I last forever
For adults, I'm gone too fast
What am I?

The CRPG Addict knows the answer to that one only too well. The correct answer causes the glade to erupt in a "pool of radiance." I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

Beyond the forest, I found a rope bridge called "Zeno's Bridge." It's a cute joke:

Just to be sure, I went all the way to 2047/2048.

If I wasn't already aware of Zeno's Paradox, I might learn about it from this game, so chalk another one up to "What Have You Learned?"

So, how to get across the bridge--if there is a way, and it's not just a joke--is one puzzle I haven't figured out yet. The others keeping me occupied are:

• A wounded pterodactyl with a whistle around his neck. He won't let me come near him.
• There's an hourglass in the magick shoppe for 1000 zorkmids. I've sold everything I'm comfortable selling, and I only have 121 zorkmids. I have no idea where you get so much for the hourglass, or even if the hourglass is all that important. (I spent 100 zorkmids on a sword, but I'm not sure if that was really a good investment; I seemed to be doing okay with my dagger.)
• On an idol in a jungle is a tear-shaped jewel, but every time I try to climb up to it, the idol overbalances and I fall inside of it. My stick of levitation is exhausted, so I can't use that.
• I have a bunch of wands, staffs, and rods, and I'm not sure which ones I really need to keep to solve puzzles and which ones I can sell. My inventory is getting pretty full.
• In one place, a bunch of hunters ferret out a minx and take it. I have the impression that I need the minx for something, as the manual mentions them, but I can't figure out how to stop the hunters form getting it.
• There's a trail blocked by "Christmas Tree Monsters" (see below). Getting past them involves something to do with inscribing a glyph, or perhaps finding a caterpillar.
  

Another Beyond Zork original.

If you want to hint me on any of these, give me very light hints, not outright spoilers, please.

On the plus side, I keep getting to rescue animals. This episode was a little heartwarming. My compassion is going through the roof. (Technically, I'm not sure what that does for me.)


One final mystery: I ended up naming my sword "Elzair" to close out my "Guess the Game" obligations. But my first attempt was to name it after frequent commenter Xyzzy. When I tried that, I got:

A hollow voice says, "Fool! That name is reserved by the Implementors. Choose another!"

What are the odds that the handle of one of my readers is a "reserved word" in a 23-year-old game? Assuming that reserved words are commands, I just typed "Xyzzy" in the command line, and the game said, "A hollow voice says, 'Fool!'" What's the in-joke that I'm missing? I'm afraid to Google it for fear I'll get spoilers.

This may not be a "real" CRPG, but I'm having a lot of fun with it. As in previous Infocom games, the quality of the writing is excellent, the humor witty, and the puzzles original. It's hard to ask for more.

Beyond Zork: Zorkish Puzzles, Beyond-Zorkish Combat

In Zork, you could fight a couple of monsters with your Elvish sword of great antiquity, but the outcome was based on pure luck. You kept swinging and they kept swinging, and either you'd die and reload or the monster would die and you could continue on.

Beyond Zork changes all of that by introducing first, a lot more monsters, and second, a skill-based combat system in which your strength helps determine the damage, your dexterity helps determine your chance to hit, and your endurance determines how many blows you can take. There's still quite a bit of luck involved, though.

I have to confess that its CRPG creds are nonetheless doubtful. There are only a few monsters that you kill in this manner. Most of the rest you have to banish in the traditional adventure game fashion: by solving a puzzle. Take the slug that occupies another room in the same abandoned lighthouse as the spider. You can beat at it with the club and ultimately kill it that way, I suppose, but its demise is so much quicker (and more satisfying) if you toss some salt on it.

What kind of a game doesn't recognize "boo-ya"?

Puzzles, often inventory-based puzzles, are the hallmark of adventure games, both text and graphical, and boy does Beyond Zork have some hard ones. Some depend on reading the manual (thanks to Jason Dyer for emphasizing this in a comment yesterday), some on common sense, some on careful deduction, and some on bat$*#% logic that only a career Zork player would possess.

For instance, in the same lighthouse, hiding under a bed, is a "dust bunny." No, not the kind your mother-in-law is always finding, but the man-eating kind (the kind you wish your mother-in-law would actually find). Here's the manual's take on dust bunnies, with an amusing image:

So they respond to static electricity. For a while I thought this meant that I had to find a Wand of Lightning or a ZAP spell or something. Nope. You know what it is? You take a bearskin rug from a pub, carry it to the room where the dust bunny is lurking, drop it, step on it, shuffle your feet to build up a charge of static electricity, and touch the dust bunny.


Now, if you're not much of an adventure game player, you're sitting there asking, "How in the world would you ever know to do that?" And the answer is simple: you explore the map until you realize that there's no Wand of Lightning to be found. So you visit every location, talking to yourself like a madman, "Dust bunnies... dust bunnies are afraid of electricity... and lemon-scented spray... electricity... static... lemons... where can I get lemons?.... where can I get electricity?... can I get electricity from an oak tree?... no, what about this painting... SAILOR, TELL ME ABOUT STATIC... that didn't work... static... electricity... lemons... here's a shop... BUY LEMONS... that was stupid... hey, here's a bar... I wonder if they sell lemonade... no lemonade... here's a bear-skin rug... rug... static... AHA!"

The problem is, this goes on for about 20 puzzles in the game, and I'm dangerously close to admitting defeat on almost half of them. Right now, my big conundrums are figuring out how to make a pterodactyl sit still long enough to remove an arrow from its wing and how to defeat an organ-grinder monkey. An organ-grinder monkey? Oh, yes, I'm quite serious:

CRPG or not, no other game features monsters this original.

While we're on unique monsters, here's the game's description of another creative offering: the cruel puppet.


And here's a shot from my encounter with the puppet in the game:

Beyond Zork: the only game that lets you fight an emotionally abusive puppet.

To give you a sense of both combat and puzzles, I'm going to paste below the transcript from my adventures in the basement of the bar, where I was sent to recover a bottle of wine in exchange for a giant onion. I have no idea what to do with the onion. I'm guessing it's not related to the pterodactyl, but you never know.

The basement is one of several locations in Beyond Zork in which a random map generates every time you enter, so you can never be sure of finding the exact same items and monsters in the exact same locations. The script was automatically generated by the game, although I've redacted some of the parts where I died and reloaded or tried to do embarrassingly stupid things.

*****

>W
Kitchen
Coils of greasy steam rise from a cauldron bubbling over a roaring hearth. The ceiling is hung with crusty pots and strips of old meat.
A closed door in the corner bears the legend, "Keepeth Out."
A skinny old cook is bustling around the kitchen.
There's a giant onion here.

>OPEN DOOR
You open the cellar door.
The cook gives the giant onion an affectionate kick. "Nice, eh? Won second place at the Borphee County Fair."

>DOWN
"Wait a second."
The cook's scowl changes to a malicious grin. "Listen, boy," he says. "You look like somebody who knows a great vegetable when he sees one. You want this here onion? Okay. There's an old bottle of wine lyin' around downstairs somewhere. Bring it up to me in one piece, and the giant onion's yours." He glances at the cellar door and shudders. "Simple."

>SAVE
You mumble the Spell of Saving.
Enter file name (".sav" will be added).
Default is "1.sav": 2
Overwrite existing file? (y/n) >y

[SAVE completed.]

>DOWN
You clump down the stairway.

Wine Cellar
You're standing at the bottom of a short, rickety stairway, ankle-deep in refuse. Light streams down through an open door overhead.
A crinkly scroll lies trampled in the dust.

>TAKE SCROLL
Taken.

>READ SCROLL
The meaning of the crinkly scroll is obscure. It seems to have something to do with refreshment. The word Yabba is inscribed across the top.
A rat-ant scurries in from the southwest passage!

>KILL RAT-ANT WITH ZINK
Zink noticeably wounds the rat-ant.
The rat-ant's teeth barely miss your ankle.

>KILL RAT-ANT WITH ZINK
You swing at the rat-ant with Zink, nearly hitting it.
The rat-ant misses you again, but just barely.

>KILL RAT-ANT WITH ZINK
Zink seriously wounds the rat-ant.
The rat-ant closes in with its sharp teeth!
Snap! A spark leaps between you and the rat-ant, leaving it nearly stunned. (I have no idea what this was about. I guess I still had a charge from the rug.)
[Your endurance just went down.]

>KILL RAT-ANT WITH ZINK
You deal the rat-ant a decisive blow with Zink!
Mortally wounded, the rat-ant retreats into the darkness.
[Your experience just went up. You have achieved the rank of Level 2 Male Peasant.]

>WAIT
Time passes.
[Your endurance is back to normal.]

>UP
Bang! An unseen hand slams the cellar door in your face.

Darkness
It's completely dark.
You hear the snap of a substantial lock.

>TAKE LANTERN FROM PACK. LIGHT IT.
You take the rusty lantern out of the pack.

Click. The rusty lantern emits a feeble glow.

Wine Cellar
You're standing at the bottom of a short, rickety stairway, ankle-deep in refuse. The door overhead is closed.

>SOUTHWEST
Musty Corridor
The lighted lantern's glow reveals a gray patch of moss on the wall.

>EXAMINE MOSS
The moss is sickly gray, glistening with moisture.

>SQUEEZE MOSS
The moss seems soft and pliant.
I knew to do this because of the manual, which talks about the "Moss of Mareilon" that, when squeezed, "releases an invisible clout of spores which improves the dexterity of laboratory rat-ants."

>SQUEEZE MOSS
The moss seems soft and pliant.
You idly scratch an itchy finger.

>SQUEEZE MOSS
The moss seems soft and pliant.

>SQUEEZE MOSS
The moss seems soft and pliant.
You give your fingers a satisfying scratch.

>SQUEEZE MOSS
The moss seems soft and pliant.

>SQUEEZE MOSS
The moss seems soft and pliant.
Those itchy fingers are becoming quite a nuisance.

>SQUEEZE MOSS
The moss seems soft and pliant.
Damn that itch! You hold your bothersome hand up to the lighted lantern... and gasp with shock!
Your fingers, once fat and stubby, are now long and slender as a pianist's.
You flex the new digits one at a time; they respond with unfamiliar agility.
Fact is, your whole body feels tighter and more coordinated than ever.
[Your dexterity just went up.]
The lantern's glow is fading rapidly.

>STATUS
[Displaying status.]
Adamantyr/Level 2 Male Peasant
EN:30 ST:11 DX:18 IQ:10 CM:10 LK:10 AC:01

>SOUTHWEST
Reeking Room
Smashed bottles litter the floor, and the air reeks of sour wine.
A rod lies in a shadowy corner.

>TAKE ROD
Taken.

>EXAMINE ROD
You see nothing interesting about the rod.

>PUT ROD IN PACK
You put the rod in the pack.

>SOUTH
Throne Room
A shallow nest of sea shells, coral and other bits of ocean debris lies in the corner.
The discipline crab is waiting for you.
The discipline crab's antennae snap to alert as you enter. He rises from the nest of seashells and charges across the floor, claws snapping with anticipation!

>KILL CRAB WITH ZINK
Zink gravely wounds the discipline crab.
The discipline crab closes in with its pincers!
[Your endurance just went down.]

>KILL CRAB WITH ZINK
Zink slightly wounds the discipline crab.
The discipline crab gives you a nasty pinch!
[Your endurance just went down.]

>KILL CRAB WITH ZINK
You deal the discipline crab a decisive blow with Zink!
Something falls to your feet with a plink, and the discipline crab retreats into the darkness.
[Your experience just went up.]

>TAKE CROWN
You take the tiny crown.

>INVENTORY
You take stock of your possessions.

You're carrying Zink the shillelagh (wielded), a tiny crown, a lighted lantern and a crinkly scroll.
You're also carrying a pack. Inside the pack you see a rod, a ring, a gilt-edged scroll, a rusty dagger, a bubble gum card and a stick.
You're wearing nothing special.
You have 1 zorkmid.

>TAKE DAGGER AND WIELD IT
You take the rusty dagger out of the pack.
The lantern's light flickers and goes out.

Darkness
It's completely dark. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

>NORTH
You feel your way onward, straight into the jaws of a deadly presence lurking in the darkness.

Death
You are dead.

Do you want to undo your last command, restore a previously saved game, restart
from the beginning, or quit?

[Type UNDO, RESTORE, RESTART or QUIT.] >RESTORE
Enter file name (".sav" will be added).
Default is "3.sav":

[RESTORE completed.]

At this point, I re-did everything, realizing that the rusty lantern didn't have enough light to get me all of the way through the cellar. I figured the "crinkly scroll" with the "renew" spell might work on the lantern. It did, but then I realized I had a "rusty dagger" it might work on, too. So I re-loaded and made sure I was holding both the dagger and the lantern before invoking the spell.

>READ CRINKLY SCROLL
The meaning of the crinkly scroll is obscure. It seems to have something to do with refreshment. The word Yabba is inscribed across the top.

>YABBA
A refreshing pink aura envelops you and all your possessions as you study the crinkly scroll. Then the aura fades, and the crinkly scroll disappears.
The lighted lantern begins to glow.

>EXAMINE DAGGER
It's a very basic dagger with a razor-sharp blade.

>EXAMINE LANTERN
The lighted lantern looks good as new. Its glow is bright and strong.

>NAME DAGGER "CALIBRATOR"
You invoke the Spell of Naming, and the dagger basks in the glow of a new-forged synonym. Henceforth, you may refer to it as "Calibrator."

>NORTHEAST
Bottom of Stack
Empty wine crates are stacked to the ceiling in a stairlike spiral.

>NORTH
Musty Corridor
The lighted lantern's glow reveals a gray patch of moss on the wall.

>NORTHEAST
Wine Cellar
You're standing at the bottom of a short, rickety stairway, ankle-deep in refuse. The door overhead is closed.

>EAST
Shadowy Stacks
Precarious stacks of barrels loom in the shadows on every side.
A skeleton lies at your feet. An amulet dangles from its neck.

>TAKE AMULET
You reach down to touch the amulet...
Snap! Ten bony fingers clamp around your throat!
[Your endurance just went down.]

>KILL SKELETON WITH CALIBRATOR
With a sigh of exhaustion, the heap of bones releases its strangle hold and crumbles into a useless heap of bones.
[Your experience just went up.]

>TAKE AMULET
You take the amulet off the heap of bones.

>WEST
Wine Cellar
You're standing at the bottom of a short, rickety stairway, ankle-deep in refuse. The door overhead is closed.

>SOUTHWEST
Musty Corridor
The lighted lantern's glow reveals a gray patch of moss on the wall.

>SOUTH
Bottom of Stack
Empty wine crates are stacked to the ceiling in a stairlike spiral.

>UP
You teeter for a moment on the lowest crates, then slowly edge your way upward.

Top of Stack
You struggle to keep your balance as the stack sways back and forth in then darkness.
There's a wine bottle here.

>TAKE BOTTLE
Taken.

>EXAMINE BOTTLE
The words "Chateau Blanc 877, bottled by Frobozz Magic Wine Company, Ltd" appear on the wine bottle's label, above a picture of a white house with a small mailbox. A pale red liquid swishes around inside. You can see right through it.

>PUT BOTTLE IN PACK
You put the wine bottle in the pack.

>DOWN
You carefully descend the stack.

Bottom of Stack
Empty wine crates are stacked to the ceiling in a stairlike spiral.

>NORTH
Musty Corridor
The lighted lantern's glow reveals a gray patch of moss on the wall.

>NORTHEAST
Wine Cellar
You're standing at the bottom of a short, rickety stairway, ankle-deep in refuse. The door overhead is closed.
[Your endurance is back to normal.]

>UP
The cellar door is closed.

>EXAMINE CELLAR DOOR
It looks as if the cellar door is closed.

>OPEN CELLAR DOOR
The cellar door seems to be locked.

>KNOCK ON CELLAR DOOR
You hear a muffled "Har!"

>COOK, OPEN DOOR!
He doesn't seem to hear you.

>COOK, I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL KILL YOU!
He doesn't seem to hear you.

>BEAT AT DOOR
[The word "beat" isn't in the vocabulary that you can use.]

>SMASH DOOR
Wham! Your fist deals the cellar door a mighty blow, with little effect except for the noise.

>TAKE ZINK FROM PACK. WIELD IT.
You take Zink out of the pack.

[setting aside Calibrator first]
You wield Zink.

>HIT DOOR WITH ZINK
Wham! Your Zink deals the cellar door a mighty blow, with little effect except for the noise.

>HIT DOOR WITH ZINK
Wham! Your Zink deals the cellar door a mighty blow, with little effect except for the noise.

>SCREAM
You begin to get a sore throat.

>PUT ZINK IN PACK. TAKE CALIBRATOR FROM PACK,. WIELD IT.
You put Zink in the pack.

You're already holding Calibrator.

You wield Calibrator.

>PICK LOCK
You can't see any lock here.

>CUT DOOR
[with Calibrator]
Wham! Your Calibrator deals the cellar door a mighty blow, with little effect except for the noise.

>COOK, OPEN THE GODDAMNED DOOR!
He doesn't seem to hear you.

>TELL COOK ABOUT WINE
He doesn't seem to hear you.

>INVENTORY
You take stock of your possessions.

You're carrying Calibrator the dagger (wielded), an amulet and a lighted lantern.
You're also carrying a pack. Inside the pack you see Zink the shillelagh, a wine bottle, a tiny crown, a rod, a ring, a gilt-edged scroll, a bubble gum card and a stick.
You're wearing nothing unusual.
You have 1 zorkmid.

>EXAMINE AMULET
The amulet is inscribed with green runes, confusingly intertwined with red swirls and flourishes and three shiny stars.

>WEAR AMULET
You put on the amulet.

>HIT DOOR
[with Calibrator]
Wham! Your Calibrator deals the cellar door a mighty blow, with little effect except for the noise.

>RUB AMULET
Fiddling with the amulet would accomplish nothing.

At this time, I wandered around the basement again, looking for anything I missed. I did find a gold doubloon I had previously overlooked, but that was it. How was I going to get out of the basement? I returned to where the door was.

>TAKE WINE FROM PACK
You take the wine bottle out of the pack.

>EXAMINE WINE
The words "Chateau Blanc 877, bottled by Frobozz Magic Wine Company, Ltd" appear on the wine bottle's label, above a picture of a white house with a small mailbox. A pale red liquid swishes around inside. You can see right through it.

>OPEN WINE
The wine bottle is tightly corked.

>DRINK WINE
The wine bottle is tightly corked.

>REMOVE CORK
[The word "cork" isn't in the vocabulary that you can use.]

>SMASH WINE
Crash! The wine bottle shatters into useless fragments, and wine splashes all over the place.

Dammit, that can't have been right.

>RESTORE
Enter file name (".sav" will be added).
Default is "3.sav":

[RESTORE completed.]

I re-did the things I had done up to the point I smashed the wine.

>EXAMINE BOTTLE
The words "Chateau Blanc 877, bottled by Frobozz Magic Wine Company, Ltd" appear on the wine bottle's label, above a picture of a white house with a small mailbox. A pale red liquid swishes around inside. You can see right through it.

Note: the picture of the white house with a small mailbox is a reference to the original Zork.

>EXAMINE AMULET
The amulet is inscribed with green runes, confusingly intertwined with red swirls and flourishes and three shiny stars.

>READ AMULET
The green runes are hard to see. They're confusingly intertwined with the red swirls and flourishes on the amulet.

I figured it out. If I read the red/green amulet through the red wine bottle, the reds should cancel each other out, leaving only the green runes.

>EXAMINE AMULET WITH BOTTLE
When viewed through the wine bottle, the word "Smee" stands out clearly against the swirls and flourishes of the amulet.

>OH, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. REALLY?
[The word "oh" isn't in the vocabulary that you can use.]

>SMEE
One of the stars on the amulet begins to glow.
A pulse of energy surges through your muscles!
[Your strength just went up.]

>SMASH DOOR!
Wham! Your fist deals the cellar door a mighty blow, shattering it and much of the kitchen wall into splinters.

Wine Cellar
You're standing at the bottom of a short, rickety stairway, ankle-deep in refuse. Light streams down through a gaping hole overhead.
"Yow," murmurs an admiring voice upstairs.

>UP
You ascend the steps.

Kitchen
Coils of greasy steam rise from a cauldron bubbling over a roaring hearth. The ceiling is hung with crusty pots and strips of old meat.
A gaping hole in the corner reveals a stair leading downward.
A skinny old cook is bustling around the kitchen.
There's a giant onion here.
"The bottle!" gasps the cook when he sees it in your hands. "You got it!"
The amulet's glowing star fades and disappears.
The tension in your muscles subsides.
[Your strength is back to normal.]

>SAVE
You mumble the Spell of Saving.
Enter file name (".sav" will be added).
Default is "3.sav": 1
Overwrite existing file? (y/n) >y

[SAVE completed.]

>KILL COOK WITH CALIBRATOR
The cook obviously means you no harm; even your meager compassion is enough to stay your hand.

>YELL AT COOK
[You must address characters directly.]

>COOK, WHY DID YOU LOCK THE DOOR?
[To ask about something, use the command: ASK CHARACTER ABOUT THING.]

>ASK COOK ABOUT DOOR
"Used t'be a wine cellar. Can't go down no more; too dangerous."

>ASK COOK ABOUT LOCK
The cook appears puzzled. "Don't know what you're talkin' 'bout."

>ASK COOK ABOUT BOTTLE
"This here onion's yours if you hand it over."

>SAVE
You mumble the Spell of Saving.
Enter file name (".sav" will be added).
Default is "1.sav": 1
Overwrite existing file? (y/n) >y

[SAVE completed.]

>SMASH BOTTLE
Crash! The wine bottle shatters into useless fragments, and wine splashes all over the place.

>ASK COOK ABOUT BOTTLE
"This here onion's yours if you get it for me."

>RESTORE
Enter file name (".sav" will be added).
Default is "1.sav": 1

[RESTORE completed.]

***

Beyond Zork actually has a fairly small game world, but the complexity of the puzzles makes it seem much larger and longer. Each puzzle you solve gives you a bit of a thrill. I look forward to seeing if I can complete this without any help--although if you've played it, feel free to give me a hint--just a hint, mind you--on the pterodactyl.

Game 31: Beyond Zork: The Coconut of Quendor (1987)

The tough thing about playing Beyond Zork is resisting the temptation to go back and play Zorks I, II, and III. Actually, to be fair, I didn't resist. I downloaded the original Zork and played for about 20 minutes before I realized I still remembered the entire game by heart. I figured the time it took to type in all of the commands and win all three games--just as a prologue--would probably tax my readers' patience.

West of House
You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door.
There is a small mailbox here.

--Opening to the original Zork (1980)

I do love text adventures, though--not as much as good CRPGs, but I definitely have a soft spot for them. A world of commands at your fingertips, no images or sound except what your imagination conjures. The key to the Infocom text adventures (the Zork series, the Enchanter series, the Planetfall series, Deadline, and the inimitable Leather Goddesses of Phobos among many others) is that they were well-written. Playing them was like a combination between a good RPG and a good novel. They were also extremely funny; I don't know if Terry Pratchett ever played Zork or if the creators of Zork ever read the Discworld series (the games and the first books were published contemporaneously), but they both share a humorous subversion of traditional fantasy tropes.

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So to get properly into Beyond Zork, we should at least recap the previous games.

• In Zork, you play the role of an ageless, faceless, gender-neutral, culturally ambiguous adventure person (there is a "special topics" posting coming up on TVTropes) who starts out next to a house but soon finds himself exploring part of the once-flourishing, now-collapsed Great Underground Empire. The purpose of the game is to find 20 treasures and install them in a trophy case in the abandoned house. This grants you access to a tunnel that takes you to Zork II.
• Zork II: the Wizard of Frobozz picks up where Zork left off. Here, you must recover 10 treasures while contending with the mad wizard of the title.
• In Zork III, you solve a series of puzzles to become the new Dungeon Master of the Great Underground Empire and gain access to its vast treasure chambers.

The seaman looks up and maneuvers the boat toward shore. He cries out "I have waited three ages for someone to say those words and save me from sailing this endless ocean. Please accept this gift. You may find it useful!" He throws something which falls near you in sand, then sails off toward the west, singing a lively, but somewhat uncouth, sailor song.

--The most rewarding moment in the Zork series. Trust me; you have to play it.

Throughout all of this, of course, you control your ageless, faceless, etc. character through the use of typed commands. Here is a transcript from the original Zork:

You are in the kitchen of the white house. A table seems to have been used recently for the preparation of food. A passage leads to the west and a dark staircase can be seen leading upward. A dark chimney leads down and to the east is a small window which is open. On the table is an elongated brown sack, smelling of hot peppers. A bottle is sitting on the table. The glass bottle contains a quantity of water.

>TAKE ALL

Brown sack: taken. Glass bottle: taken.

>OPEN SACK

Opening the brown sack reveals a lunch and a clove of garlic.

>WEST

You are in the living room. There is a doorway to the east, a wooden door with strange gothic lettering to the west, which appears to be nailed shut, a trophy case, and a large oriental rug in the center of the room. Above the trophy case hangs an elvish sword of great antiquity. A battery-powered brass lantern is on the trophy case.

>TAKE SWORD AND LANTERN

Sword: taken. Brass lantern: taken.

>MOVE RUG

With great effort, the rug is moved to one side of the room, revealing the dusty cover of a closed trap door.

>OPEN TRAP DOOR

The door reluctantly opens to reveal a rickety staircase descending into darkness.

>DOWN

You have moved into a dark place. The trap door crashes shut, and you hear someone barring it. It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue. Your sword is glowing with a faint blue glow.

>LIGHT LANTERN

The brass lantern is now on. You are in a dark and damp cellar with a narrow passageway leading north, ad a crawlway to the south. On the west is the bottom of a steep metal ramp which is unclimbable.

>NORTH

The Troll Room. This is a small room with passages to the east and south and a forbidding hole leading west. Bloodstains and deep scratches (perhaps made by an axe) mar the walls. A nasty-looking troll, brandishing a bloody axe, blocks all passages out of the room. Your sword has begun to glow very brightly.

>TROLL, HELLO

The troll isn't much of a conversationalist. The troll pauses for a moment, perhaps thinking that you should re-read the manual.

>PET TROLL

Fiddling with the troll has no effect. The troll's mightly blow drops you to your knees.

>KILL TROLL WITH SWORD

Your attack is ineffective. The flat of the troll's axe hits you delicately on the head, knocking you out. The troll scratches his head ruminatively: might you be magically protected, he wonders? Conquering his fears, the troll puts you to death.

Thank God the troll killed me, or I might have just kept transcribing all the way to the end.

I didn't play the Zork trilogy as part of this project because they're not CRPGs. But Beyond Zork changes all of that. Although the interface is still controlled by text inputs, you have a named character--a named character with attributes like endurance, strength, dexterity, intelligence, compassion, and luck. You also gain experience points as you slay monsters. This is, to my knowledge, the only text/CRPG hybrid like this in existence.

Character creation in Beyond Zork.

Beyond Zork also reboots the story, making my summaries above a bit superfluous. The action moves out of the Great Underground Empire and to the land of Quendor, where the Age of Magic has given way to the Age of Science. To preserve their heritage from the future, the enchanters and enchantresses of the land have decided to hide away the Coconut of Quendor, a mysterious artifact that "embodies the essence of their wisdom." Your role in this quest is unclear at the beginning, as you start as a nameless peasant. Working through the winners of my "Guess the Game" posting, I named my character "Adamantyr."

I start at a hilltop next to a tree with nothing but a pack and a single Zorkmid (the game's currency) to my name. But soon I've ambled down the hill to where an old sailor is creating a painting on a canvas, and I've pulled a bit of driftwood out of the water to use as a club. Since "shillelagh" (what the game calls it) is too easy to misspell, I use the game's NAME command to dub my new club "Zink."



Note the little automap in the upper right-hand corner. It doesn't save me from having to actually create a map, but it helps to know what ways I can go.

Up the path a ways, I find a ledge with an inscription: "My tines be long, my tines be short, my tines end ere my first report. What am I?" Confidently, I answer "lightning," and in true Infocom style, I get my "reward":

Kerblam! A blast from the sky sends you sprawling over the brink of the ledge! You grab onto a rocky outcrop and manage to drag yourself back up to safety.

Oh, I know I'm going to like this game.