Bloodstone: And My Axe!

 

Once again, art mirrors life.

        

Last fall, some tail end of Hurricane Ian brought a neighbor's tree across the end of my driveway. Given what other parts of the country went through because of the hurricane, dealing with a downed tree was a minor problem, particularly since I have a circular driveway. In fact, I soon realized, it wasn't a problem at all, as I was having a wood stove installed in November. I paid a local guy with a chainsaw about $150 to chop the downed tree into foot-long pieces, then went to Home Depot and bought myself an axe.

     

I mostly did this at the behest of Irene. I had never chopped wood in my life, and I had no interest in starting. I figured I'd swing it a few times, tell Irene my back hurt, and then start making some calls until I found someone with a log splitter. But I unexpectedly loved it. Is there anything that feels manlier than bringing an axe down on a log and watching it go clean through, knowing that you've just provided your family with another hour of heat during the long winter? I love the heaviness of the axe and how to be effective with it, you have to balance accuracy and strength. The first half of the swing--the upward arc--is all about the former, about planning for where the blade is going to go. Then you reach the apex of the swing, and it becomes all about strength. Goddamn.

       

That sounds even better. Can I get one at Home Depot?

       

We eventually ordered a couple of cords, of course--even enjoying the task, I probably couldn't chop enough to feed the stove all winter. But even though I can afford the wood--heck, even purchasing wood, I'm saving more than half of what I used to pay with oil heat alone--I still love the idea that I can save money with deadfall. So when our pre-Christmas storm brought not one but two trees crashing down on our property, I eagerly took to them with my axe and chainsaw (yes, I eventually bought my own chainsaw). One is oak, the other pine. They'll have to age a year, at least, but I'll start next winter with a good stock of both kindling and hardwood.

        

This is exactly what the wood supplier said to me.

        

This has bled into my CRPG playing in one way: I have decided that the axe is my favorite weapon. Screw the sword. Swords are for fancy lads poking at each other, going for the "clean wound." There's nothing clean about an axe. There's no pretending that war is anything other than brutal and disgusting when an axe head hits. And there's no blocking it with a buckler or helm. Oh, I know there are disadvantages, too. Save them for another time. This is my Ode to the Axe.

    

The nice thing about playing an Epic Dwarven Tale is that most of the characters use axes. The main quest is to find a magic axe, which as we've discussed in the past is a second-class weapon in most RPGs. Any real epic, legendary weapon is usually a sword. Sometimes, it's an axe. It's never a bardiche, jo stick, or glaive-guisarme.

         

I had ended the last Bloodstone session in the High Temple, where I was quickly running out of resources and getting slaughtered. I decided to leave but got lost trying to find the entrance. I then stumbled upon the crown (the artifact I was here to find) in a random chest in a hallway. Re-invigorated, I tried my mettle again against a roomful of ghosts, got absolutely slaughtered (the ghosts have insane shields and armor values and can neutralize my party with "Fear" in one round), reloaded, and headed for the exit.

          

The artifact was just sitting here, unguarded.

    

We walked the long way overland to Tulara, visited Volni at his job at the metalsmith's, and collected a modest 1,340 gold. I sold my excess weapons, armor, and gems and filled up with mushrooms. I bought the best armor and weapons for my characters and got the Ashard and Chalta spell totems in Phoroshe. When I was done, all of my "return when I can afford it" tasks were done and the economy largely stopped being an issue except to the extent that I didn't buy a copy of every spell totem for every spellcasting character.

 

If there's one thing I wish the series had made easier, it's re-stocking on things like mushrooms and bolts. It takes so much longer than it should. Each character can only carry 99 of each item, so if you want everyone to stock up on something, you have to have one character buy it until he's full, then distribute them to the other characters, and then repeat.

         

Can't I buy them individually?

      

While I was back in the starting area, I decided to revisit the first two towns I explored, Haraza and Kafari, as during my first visits, I didn't realize the importance of passing a full 24 hours in the tavern, where different NPCs come and go hourly. I found a few more NPCs in both taverns and got some more information about artifacts and teleportal combinations, so it was worth the effort. One dwarf in Haraza, Rapan, told me a bunch of stuff about my own character that I didn't know, including the fact that my destroyed clan was called "Hoprus" and the axe I carry, Aroten, was created by the great smith Arogus and presented to the first Hoprus chief.

     

For my next steps, I decided to jettison the weird systematic approaches to exploration that I had adopted and instead follow a more quest-oriented approach. As a reminder, the main plot of the game involves getting two dwarf tribes (Tamar and Morin) to agree to unite against the threat of the "taldor." This seems to require you to bribe their kings with a selection of dwarven artifacts:

       

• The Death Mask of Rohrkhad. Created from Rohrkhad's own alabaster tears when his son Dahlkhad died. Entombed with Dahlkhad's corpse. A wandering blind minstrel sings a "Lay of the Death Mask" that might have some information about it.

• The Moon Scarab. Found in the Tower of Pradaqa.

• The Brooch of Aquilla. Said to make men irresistible to women. Was in the possession of the human ranger Drimmor, who used it to pick up Amazons, but he's dead. 

     

There was a time I would have wanted such a thing, but now it sounds like a real bother.

      

• The High Mitre. Once belonged to Rohrkhad's high priest. The women of Rulaan told Migdalia of Galaq that it was in Kireini Tower, southwest of Rulaan.

• A scepter. In a chest on the third level of a dungeon on the northern end of an island called "Anthorn or Anforn or something."

• A golden bowl. Forzo in Tulara mentions having a bowl-collecting uncle, but he wouldn't speak to us, claiming we kill innocent monsters. That might be a dead end, though, Korchar in Phoroshe says that it's in the dungeon Delqafi, deep in the mountains of Seneret.

• An orb. Actually the eye of Rohrkhad, plucked out to watch over the land of Tarq. Buried in the Temple of Ziphanu in the land of Hataan. In the far northeastern room, "between the altar and a platform of swords."

• A crown. Created by Ziphanu, god of the air, lost in the High Temple, found by the party this session.

• A whistle. Purchased from Carmine in Hikar.

• Khamalkhad, an axe created by Rohrkhad to defend the dwarven race. Rumored to be in Rohrkhad's castle, which is accessible only by water. Denatrius will build me a boat, but I need to bring him bent wood planks, all-weather canvas, a golden needle, a hammer, and 3000 gold. The only information I have on any of those things is that a golden needle was last seen in the southwest regions of Tarq.

       

A random roll of the dice got me the brooch. The only intelligence I have on it is that the dead ranger who owned it used it to pick up Amazons, so I figured I'd go to the Amazon town of Rulaan, the last town on the map that I haven't explored. 

        

You clearly haven't seen me swing an axe.

       

I got there without incident. Rulaan's population is all women. They have a specific rivalry with the male warriors of nearby Galaq. In exploring the town, I found:

    

• A stealth trainer. Amusingly, his house was an obstacle course of walls, monoliths, and pools of lava (or perhaps just squares of fire). I honestly haven't been using any of the trainers in the game. Do other players?

      

I'm not sure I want to train that badly.

     

• A tailor.

• Talk from NPCs about a large tower to the south.

• A shop selling just lockpicks.

• An inn.

• A casino called the Dice House that never had any employees on duty when I visited, so I couldn't gamble. 

     

You also can't be bold without an employee to take your gold.

    

• A woman named Dorein who said that Hantaknor, the God of Fire, would cause the world to be consumed in flame. His resting place is west in Pasenta. She also sold teleportation tiles and Chalta, Entus, and Fanorl totems. I had to make a note to return later with more money.

• An Amazon named Corina runs an herb shop. She gave me the name of the city's chieftain: Katrina.

• An Amazon named Ilaya is intrigued by a Galaqian named Gregor, who had a book in his house called The Art of Flower Arrangement. She noticed it on a recent raid. She suggests I confront him about it.

      

As usual, the chieftain's name was the password to get past her front door. She expressed the typical Amazonian contempt for Galaq and said that if they were all wiped out by a plague, she could easily retrieve the Silver Quarrel of Galaq. That's an artifact that wasn't on my list. She says if I can get it for her, she'll tell me something useful. Katrina suggested she'd tell me more if I had an all-female party, but there's no way to get rid of the main character, and my main character is male.

         

People were "woke" all the way back in 1993.

      

A search of my notes reveals that I heard about it from Tanro, the chief of Galaq, who in turn is seeking a magic quill to write his memoirs. Here the path ends, as I've heard nothing about the location of the quill. No one else in Rulaaan has anything to offer about BROOCH.

      

Ocean in view. O! The joy!

      

I rolled again and got the scepter. It's supposed to be in a dungeon on an island. I haven't been to any of the islands yet, but a look at the map suggests that some can be reached with the "Teleport" spell, some can be reached by teleportal, and some can only be reached by boat. It seems I'm a long way off from getting the boat, so I decided to head up to the coast and see which islands I could access with the spell. I angled northwest from Rulaan and arrived at the northwest coast without much incident, then started working my way east.

 

There were rare but deadly enemies here: "skeletiers," or some kind of snow spider. They start with 233 hit points and a defense of 22, meaning that a strike that would normally do 30 damage only does 8. They also start with shields at over 50, so it takes a while for magic to damage them. They hit hard multiple times per round and can cast "Freeze" and "Shatter." I could only defeat them by going all-in with gonshis and mirgets every round.

    

An NPC tries to warn me.

       

It wasn't long before I came upon a camp occupied by a paranoid man named Mikalat. He thought I was there to steal his sword, Zlmnrdra, crafted by the Tlengle god, Zlntrlkopfr. He found it in a teleportal chamber. He said he'd give it to me if I could find him the Hide of the Azure Sky Shark. I noted the quest but otherwise have no information on where to find this thing.

   

Moving on, I came to a town called Sartuma before I encountered any island I could teleport to. It was a frozen town; many of its structures had frost on the floor and seemed to be made of ice. Dialogue suggested that the city was independent of either the Tamar and Morin kingdoms.

    

That wood pile would get you through maybe half a day.

               

Here, I found:

    

• Another casino that only seemed to have patrons, no croupier. What's up with this?

• A temple to Rohrkhad, god of creation, with the word GARTHUME on the altar.

• A carpenter. He wanted a worker, but I couldn't imagine assigning someone way out here. It would be like exiling him to Siberia.

• A guy hanging out in front of the carpenter's, Dirk, somehow knows about my quest to build a boat and offers me the "bent wood" that I need. Is wood used to make boats really pre-bent? I just assumed it was bent when it was hammered into place on the hull of the boat.

• A separate guy who teaches the "Carpentry" skill.

• A weapon store. He had nothing I didn't already have. 

       

Is there any practical value to a double axe in combat? It seems like it would be a lot of extra weight for no benefit.

     

• A clothing store. I'm not sure how you'd even get out here without the sealskin and snowshoes that he sells. "He sells snowshoes in Sartuma" is almost a tongue-twister.

• A dwarf named Anshus is contemptuous of the Tamar and Morin chiefs, saying that if they had any sense, they'd end their stupid war and unite against the Taldor. 

• A runemaster's hut where spellcasters can memorize spells.

• A child told me that Bucky, the Superdwarf, knows where the sword Zlmnrdra lies in an ancient temple beneath the snow. That contradicts what Mikalat told me above.

       

An NPC named Elenak, living in his ice-covered, one-room hut, serendipitously had information about the magic quill: It used to be owned by the chieftain of this very village. It was lost years ago and last seen "on one of the northern islands." So now I have multiple reasons to visit those northern islands.

  

East of Sartuma, I finally found an island close enough to reach with a "Teleport" spell, or at least one that was enhanced with a Turpin mushroom. There was nothing on it, but the next island was a short non-Turpin "Teleport" to the southeast. I worked my way in this manner across the island chain.

       

Island-hopping.

     

After four or five islands, I started to despair that I'd find anything, but on one larger island, I finally ran into a camp. It was occupied by none other than Bucky, the Superdwarf, the name spoken with awe on the lips of children across Tarq. He didn't seem to be enjoying his fame: "Don't ever become a role model," he said. "The hours are long and the pay sucks. You are constantly beset by screaming brats who want your autograph." He had nothing to say about any of the artifacts or about ZLMNRDRA, so I don't know what any of that was about. He wouldn't join the party, either.

      

The Bucky!?

       

On an island north of Bucky's I found a camp with a lockpicking instructor. This is a seriously out-of-the-way location for this kind of training. East of him was an island with a grove where I could rest, heal, and memorize spells. And that was about it for the islands in reach of the "Teleport" spell. It looks like I'll need to be using teleport chambers and, ultimately, the boat if I really want to reach the northern islands.

    

I hate to wrap up having accomplished so little, but sometimes that's how it goes. It's time to head back out to the woodshed.

    

Time so far: 21 hours