Lands of Lore: Respawn of Satan

The worst thing in the entire world.

        

I ended this session steaming mad at Lands of Lore, and if I'd written this entry at that point, it would have been full of fury. Instead, I (unintentionally) let a couple of days go by, and now it's hard not to think of it the same way as any other six-hour period with a game in which I faced some obstacle, overcame it, and was in the end glad to have overcome it. 

   

It's hard to say why one type of obstacle delights us, another annoys us, and a third infuriates us. When I hit a traffic jam on the way home, I never think, "Aha! An opportunity to assess my capacity for patience!" And yet when I get around said traffic jam, tossing obscenities into my rearview mirror, I happily rush home to confront myself with a crossword puzzle or several hours fighting monsters in a CRPG and regard it as entertainment. When the obstacle posed by a CRPG is logistical, I tend to pursue it to its end, but when it relies on manual dexterity, I'm quick to abandon it. You could argue that I'm clearly good at one and not the other, which is true, but why should my enjoyment of a puzzle come down to how "good" I am at solving it? You'd think the opposite would be true--that I would delight in overcoming obstacles that require speed and reflexes because I so rarely do.

    

We've got "Trouble!"

     

No matter what obstacle I face, however, I suppose my key criteria for finding it enjoyable (versus annoying or infuriating) is a) it's fair, and b) it operates according to an understandable set of rules. This is where I have problems with Lands of Lore. Its approach to respawning is not only unfair; I'm not sure it's even decipherable. Enemies seem to respawn partly based on geography and partly based on time. That is, if you cross certain tiles, you're bound to spawn a few foes. But even if you stand still and do nothing but fight, you'll face a steady supply. But respawning seems to diminish after you've achieved certain plot goals, so maybe it's partly tied to progress or inventory. I can't figure it out.

Plenty of other games have featured respawning, of course, and generally I like it. Respawning is an opportunity to grind for gold and experience, try new tactics, experiment with spells. But now I realize I have to qualify that appreciation: I don't like respawning when it happens so fast and frequent that an empty corridor fills with enemies in five seconds, trapping you from both ends. That's taking it too far.

      

A mystic key in the form of a scarab or something.

   

Of course, if you can just mow them down, I suppose such respawning is a minor inconvenience at best. It has to be coupled with a high difficulty level to be truly diabolical. And this is what I found in the White Tower, mostly on a single level.

    

The White Tower was inviting at first, with its white marble walls and polished floors. We thought we might find some succor there. But a few doors into it, we were attacked by what the manual calls "Amazons." There were also "archer slugs," which spit missiles at us. Neither were terribly hard. I only fought for a little while before taking a trip back to Gorkha Swamp to offload some excess inventory, even though I suspect the money we're amassing will do no good for us. 

    

Amazons punch and kick us in the White Tower.

    

There were several levels to the tower, with progress blocked by a series of doors that opened to "mystic keys" that we had to find scattered all over the place. There were a couple of other puzzles that involved putting items in slots. For the first time, I faced a button on the floor instead of a wall.

 

On Level 2, we met a third enemy type: one-eyed chickens capable of casting "Fireball" at range. They died in one hit once we got into melee range, but we had to be careful of them suddenly spawning at the end of a long corridor.

       

I was impressed that they have little shadows.

     

At some point, we came face-to-face with Jana, the leader of the Amazons. She took one reload to kill. I thought at the time that she was the "boss" of the tower and our woes were over. Hah. 

    

I have to be honest: "Amazons" don't really seem to fit with this dungeon. Neither, come to think of it, do chickens.

     

As we ascended the stairs, a ghost appeared and suggested we flee the tower and save ourselves, but we of course ignored him and pressed on. Then we started to encounter several types of ghosts. It was these ghosts that led to the rage referenced above. There were three varieties. These hooded and cloaked phantoms were the easiest. Two others had the same graphic--translucent figures wearing armor and holding swords--but different colors. I think only the blue one had the power to execute what is perhaps the most annoying attack of any CRPG in history: the summoning of a phantom snake, which rushes up to the party, hisses, and halves your hit points. You're frozen while this animation plays; there is no way to dodge or counter it.

     

We should have listened.

       

Meanwhile, the ghosts themselves hit pretty hard, and they can fly through walls, so they can start hitting you while you can't even see them (in adjacent walls), and they can come out of nowhere to block passages. 

   

After a few reloads, I took a save by the stairs down to the previous level and started gingerly trying to make it as far into the level as I could. I kept getting surrounded, overwhelmed, and killed. Spells didn't seem to help. The ghosts seemed to take a little damage from "Fireball" and "Freeze," but offensive spells deplete your mana bar fast, and I needed to save as much as possible for healing. 

    

Two of the hateful phantoms.

       

Experimenting with different weapons, I found that two "emerald blades" that I'd found in previous dungeons did a lot more damage to the ghosts than conventional weapons. These made a huge difference. I now know I could have used Vaelan's Cube against them, too, but I hadn't unscrambled the ROT-13s yet, and anyway I don't know how much a difference it would have made.

    

Early in the level is a pit trap that you pass by throwing an item across it to depress a button on the far wall. Before I figured that out, we fell down the pit to the lower level and found ourselves in an isolated area of Level 2. It was a god-send because no enemies spawned or respawned in this area except the one "boss" enemy, a minotaur, who had to be approached to be triggered.

     

You don't have to be disgusting.

     

The minotaur was comparably easy. We led him around the central pillar in his chambers while attacking him--a variant of the old "combat waltz" from Dungeon Master. When he died, he left a horn that was the key out of this area. We rested and returned to the fight against the ghosts.

Gameplay for the next four hours involved:

• Resting and saving at the entrance to the level;
• Moving into the level and trying to explore one more square than the previous time;
• Getting overwhelmed by ghosts;
• Trying to fight our way back to the entrance;
• If we couldn't make it back to the entrance, at least making it back to the pit;
• If not making it back to the pit, dying and reloading.

    

I can't convey in words how annoying this process was. The phantom snakes are the worst element. They do way too much damage. And yes, I know I could have taken the edge off by lowering the difficulty, by this time finishing the game on "Ferocious" was part of my religion.

  

There was one door I never managed to pass through. When I hit the button next to it, a face appeared and yelled, "YOU HAVE NO FAITH!" But regardless of what's behind this door, I found the items necessary to complete the tower. First, a ghostly woman appeared behind one door to give me a crucible. She told me to "place it on the Altar de Blanca to receive the ingredients for the Elixir."

     

I am true of heart . . .

. . . but have no faith.

      

The Altar de Blanca was on the first level, behind a door I needed a key from Level 3 (I think) to open. I placed the crucible on it, and it said it was ready to make the Elixir, but of course I only had three of four ingredients. 

    

I like how Conrad keeps his enthusiasm.

     

Relieved to at least be done with the ghosts, I left the tower and kept following the corridors of the forest. They led me to a second barrier, which I destroyed with the second Vaelan's Cube. 

     

The streets of Yvel.

    

Behind it was a path to a dismal, mostly-abandoned town called Yvel. I don't remember it being mentioned before. As I explored, I encountered:

• Numerous abandoned buildings (several with doors that had to be picked) with various treasures, including three playing cards called "Ace of Dominion," "Ace of Infinity," and "Ace of Oblivion."

• A fifth magic spell: "Hand of Fate." 

      

I later cast "Hand of Fate." It has an amusing graphic but doesn't actually seem to hurt them.

      

• An herbalist who gave me the Earth Powder I need for the Elixir.

       

I wonder what happens if we didn't rescue Lora.

   

• A building in which Geron Arbroath, King Richard's chamberlain, was meeting with other staff members from the castle. He was extremely rude to us. He started making demands of Paulson, but Paulson said that he follows me now. He demanded that we bring him the Elixir when we have it, then kicked us out.

   

What a jackass.

    

• A tavern called Bruno's Lodge. There were three patrons. The first was someone who said that I helped him in his hour of need. He gave me a "Cape of Concealment," which doesn't seem to do much in terms of protection, and I'm not sure the game really has a stealth mechanic.

• Bruno's other patrons were a man and a Thomgog. The man was clearly modeled after Cliff from Cheers, and the voice actor did a competent John Ratzenberger impression. Just like Cliff, he was full of trivia, and he relayed a long and rambling story about the history of the region. I don't know if it's all important, but it was interesting. It's a weird way to convey what is ultimately about 50% of the lore of the setting.

   

You can hear Ratzenberger's voice reading this text.

   

• You would think the Thomgog was therefore a riff on Norm. He did ask us to buy him a beer, but the voice actor didn't otherwise try to use George Wendt's voice or mannerisms. If the bartender is supposed to be based on Sam Malone, it's only in the broadest sense. He has some comments about women.

• A bow shop. I've mostly given up on ranged weapons.

• The armorer from Gladstone, having apparently set up shop here in exile. He bought most of the excess stuff I was carrying, including a bunch of named swords. I bought a great sword from him but still had over 3,000 silver. I could spend most of it on a jeweled dagger, but I'm not sure why I would. It would be nice if some shop sold those "bezel cups" that provide full healing. Those would be worth some money.

       

Could you tell me anything about what it does?

       

I haven't said much about equipment in this game because there's not much to say. Any game that's linear and doesn't randomize any of its equipment locations provides essentially the same experience to every player. There's no joy at a particularly "lucky" chest or triumph after sneaking into an area several levels above me to make off with a piece of armor. Occasionally, you find a weapon or armor that provides slightly better offensive or defensive scores than your last piece, and you make a swap. If any of these items do special things, the game is so obtuse about it that I don't bother trying to figure it out. As we've discussed, it's one of my complaints with this entire sub-genre.

        

The map of the City of Yvel.

     

As for levels, I ended this session with the following:

     

Character	Fighter	Rogue	Mage
Conrad	7	4	4
Baccata	7	4*	4
Paulson	6	5*	4

*Increased by one by magic amulet

 

You can tell me whether that's high, low, or about right for where I am in the game. I've been trying to improve mage levels for all characters, but magic just disappears so damned fast.

   

Baccata at the end of this session.

     

With all the ingredients, we returned to the White Tower, went to the Altar unopposed, and mixed the Elixir. "We must find King Richard quickly!" Conrad said. There was the rub. Untrusting of Arbroath, I decided to go back to Dawn, even though she was several maps away.

     

This sounds like an insult, but I can't quite parse it.

      

On the way, I tested out the new "Hand of Fate" spell, which I only have enough magic points to cast at Level 1 or 2. It makes a giant spectral hand appear and shove or slap enemies, but as far as I can tell, it does no damage to them. I'm not sure what it's for.

       

Thanks, that was useful.

      

Back at Dawn's wagon, we found the wagoner dead with a spear stuck through his back and no sign of Dawn. With no other ideas, we returned to Yvel and the Council, where Arbroath refused to give us his key and demanded we find Dawn.

     

Conrad stands up to the chamberlain.

    

We wandered back out into the woods and soon encountered Dawn. She said she'd get the key from Nathaniel but needed her own key back. I thought something looked off about her, checked old screen shots, and verified that the real Dawn has blue eyes. With this one, I chose "argue."

        

Scotia, the Nether Mask is kind of lost on you, isn't it?

    

She immediately turned into a giant dinosaur. In her new form, she had a "tremor" attack, just like the Lahrkon back in the mines, and it caused us to drop weapons and shields. I tried to fight her with spells and even the green skulls that worked on the Lahrkon, but she wiped us out. I'm sure there's a way to defeat her, if nothing else by rest-scumming in nearby Yvel, but I'll try a few other things when I pick up the game again next time.

 

(Incidentally, I did reload and give her the key just to see what happens. She smirks and flies off but I can keep playing. Does anyone know the impact on the rest of the game if you do this?) 

     

I didn't have the patience for this one tonight.

       

My only gauge for how close I am to the end is that I've met every monster listed in the book except for, I think, "Cabal warriors." Another gauge may be that I only seem to have room for one or two more spells before the scroll fully unfurls in its allotted space. I hope I'm right. I continue to enjoy the evolving story, the cheesy voice acting, and the graphics, but it's about time for this one to start its final act. 

   

Time so far: 24 hours