Clouds of Xeen: We Bought a Castle

 

Anyone know a good contractor?

        

Before I begin, I have to go back and cover something I forgot from last time: We bought a castle! A tax surveyor offered us the deed to a castle south of Nightshadow for 50,000 gold. It was so dilapidated that we couldn't enter it, but we bought it. The tax man said that the king's engineer could help us fix it up. I can't believe I forgot to mention that. 

     

We begin in Castle Basenji, which I have entered on a quest to destroy some wizards and retrieve a Scroll of Insight. The first level has mostly werewolves, who are capable of causing disease. Their straw beds yield a few treasures. There are four wizards--depicted as standing on flying carpets--in one chamber. They have a fire attack, but they're not too hard. Their chamber is full of scrolls that none of my characters have the language skills to read.

        

Does anyone else automatically picture a "wizard" in blue robes? Where does that come from?

    

Level 1 offers stairs to both the second floor and the basement. The basement has more scrolls that I can't read, more werewolves, and traps. This time there are peasants hidden in the straw beds, and releasing them nets 10,000 experience points each. One of them tells me that he heard a wizard use the passphrase THERE, WOLF. 

       

How do you know he wasn't saying "their wolf"?

        

This turns out to be the passphrase to get from the second level (which just has a few wizards and more unreadable scrolls) to one half of the third. There, I find the Scroll of Insight among even more scrolls I can't read (I suspect I'm lacking the "Linguist" skill). A stairway to another half of Level 3 brings me to the "cult leader," who dies in two buffed strikes. Making a note to return when we have "Linguist," we make our way out and back to Arie the Apprentice, who rewards us with the Jeweled Amulet of the Northern Sphinx and 750,000 experience. We return to the sphinx in A2, but this must not be the "northern sphinx" because it just tells us to get lost. So we get trained up to Level 13.

        

"Lookin' to train?" is a phrase I'll remember until I die.

      

The Northern Sphinx is, in fact, in B1, which we explore next. It's an oddly barren desert map; the sphinx is the only feature of note except for combats with sand worms, scorpions, and sand golems. "You may enter," the sphinx says as we approach, "but be warned: none shall leave alive."

    

We very nearly do not leave alive. The sphinx is full of traps that curse you, coffins that curse you when you open them, mummies that cause disease, and stone golems and earth golems who hit very hard. While exploring, I catch myself doing something stupid. Since you see items and enemies in the environment in this game, there's no reason to step on literally every square. If there was something there, you'd see it from an adjacent square. Nonetheless, the map doesn't feel "complete" unless I've filled all of it in. You know you have a problem when you deliberately step on a trapped square, inflicting your entire party with a curse that will cost almost 2,000 gold pieces to cure, just so you can have a complete map.

     

Mummies swing.

             

There are three thrones in the map, marked "king," "queen," and "thief," all of which just seem to damage me when I sit in them. I get the "Item to Gold" spell in one alcove--a spell that every game should have. It automatically "sells" your inventory items in case you get over-encumbered between stores. A few of the rooms have nice gem deposits.

   

There are hieroglyphics on the walls that we cannot read. These seem to have something to do with a riddle that will take me to the next level, so I have to leave in ignominy. I'll find that "Linguist" skill eventually.

    

Although no one has this skill, I keep blaming my orc sorcerer for not having it. Surely, an elf sorcerer would have come with the skill.

     

  

The Desert of the Sphinx continues into map C1. There, gargoyles join sand worms and scorpions. There is a well that gives a temporary +50 boost to endurance, but otherwise no other interesting features; the developers really embraced the "desert" concept. In its final columns, the map transitioned to mountainous terrain, and the final column offered a chest with a quest item called the Scarab of Imaging.

  

The northeast corner of the game map is dominated by volcanoes surrounded by a permanent lake of lava. We started to see this in D1, with a blasted, charred land surrounding pools of roiling lava. Lava golems attacked as I got too close. I was capable of killing them, but only barely, with buffs.

 

This is an intimidating sight.

     

None of the spells I've accumulated so far seem to offer any help with walking on lava ("Levitate" does nothing), so I abandon my exploration pattern at this point and simply skirt the active lava zone. It brings me briefly down into D2 and then back up to D1, where I am attacked by a great hydra. I'm only able to kill him with the +250 hit point and +50 might buffs.

     

We haven't met any regular hydras yet!

      

While trying to skirt a lava river, we pick up an Ever-Hot (but apparently not too hot) Lava Rock in E2. A couple more lava golems seem a lot harder than the first one. It is only when I try to shoot at one and nothing happens that I realize that the lava golems are capable of breaking weapons. How obnoxious.

   

The lava keeps us from exploring most of F1 and about half of F2. We know we're out of the worst of it when plain old orcs start attacking us again and we burn their little outposts. Pretty soon we're back in mountains and seeing Red Dwarf mine entrances to our south.

     

This is not going to go well for you, my little friend.

     

Having now explored the maps around the outer edge, I just need to do the middle four columns (B through E) of the middle two rows (2 and 3). Before doing so, I return to the Temple of Yak, thinking I still need to kill the Yak Master there. I forgot that I've already done that. But it's a good thing I return, because "Wizard Eye" reveals an area I haven't explored (I have to "Teleport" to get to it). In that area, I find 6 more King's Mega Credits and two pools that cause +5 increases in endurance and personality for some of the characters.

   

I also return to the Witch Tower because I want to explore the cloud layer above it. The first thing I come to is a statue. "You are unable to understand the strange runes," it says when I go to read it. Wow, this session is tough on the uneducated. There are some harpies to kill (and a nest to destroy) and some gems to pick up, but a second statue deters me from continued exploration until I get the "Linguist" skill.

  

Seeing these harpies is giving me a flash-forward to Might and Magic VI.

    

After a stop by Vertigo to refresh, I resume outdoor exploration in E3. It's an area of forests and waters, with easy stingers and orcs for enemies, and a dungeon I can't enter. A fountain offers +25 hit points; a shrine gives us +20 to resistances; a wagoner offers to teach us "Spot Secret Doors." A druid in a megalith says he will need the Last Snowflake of Winter before he can give us the Last Raindrop of Spring. There was another guy like this on the other side of the map.

   

I already half-explored mountainous D3 getting around the lava. Two Red Dwarf Mine entrances are here, plus several orc outposts. A +50 speed fountain is worth noting the location of.

     

Why did he fill me with a visceral terror?

        

D2 transitions from mountains in the north to forest and the lakeshore in the south. A guy in a hut teaches the "Merchant" skill for 6,000 gold. I don't have the patience to try to centralize my buying and selling, so I buy it for everyone. I start to encounter "jousters," who stir an immediate reaction of dread, but they aren't very hard. I must have had some kind of instinctive response to a similar monster in another game.

   

At long last, I find myself standing in front of Castle Burlock, on the shores of the unnamed central lake. So many things happen here that I have to bullet them out:

   

• "Mad fools" are roaming the rooms and corridors, attacking us while juggling colored balls. I can mostly kill them at a distance with arrows. 

     

Good timing, Might and Magic. There was almost a danger that some sense of immersion might take hold.

    

• Numerous suits of armor have motivational slogans on them: "Don't worry, be happy"; "Speak softly, but carry a large magic sword"; "Have a nice day."

• The king's engineer, Emerson, is sitting at a desk. He offers to have a wall built around my castle for 5 King's Mega Credits. We say "go for it."

    

I'm not sure I accept your thesis.

     

• Artemus, the king's advisor, tells us a little more about the backstory. Baron Darzog, the king's master sorcerer, grew jealous of the sway that Crodo had over the king. Then both Crodo and Darzog disappeared, and Artemus thinks that Darzog has imprisoned Crodo in his tower (which we already knew). The king is so obsessed with his search for the Sixth Mirror that he doesn't care.

• In a nook, we find the "Book of Languages" and finally get the "Linguist" skill. Another book also grants the "Astronomer" skill.

• King Burlock orders us to find the Sixth Mirror, last seen near a "great volcano."

         

I say we go collect the 16th mirror and scratch the "1" off.

    

• Up in one of the turrets, Princess Roxanne asks us to retrieve her diamond tiara from a gang of thieves in Rivercity. We already have it. Returning it to her nets us 200,000 experience and some items.

• I don't meet him, but there's apparently a "Prince Roland" because we see his armor.

• On a floor above the king's throne room is an empty throne. When we sit on it, triumphant music plays, but I can't tell that it's done anything for us.

• Two floors above the throne room is the king's bedroom. There are a couple of chests in nooks. Opening them is apparently the wrong thing to do because it unleashes dozens of castle guards and king's guards. I have no choice but to slash my way through them.

        

I feel like I'm back in Questron.

       

• The basement has some monsters behind bars, including some mad fools, some ice trolls, and a dragon. The dragon's chamber has a bucket that increases might by 10 for one character.

     

After Castle Burlock, we return to our own castle and find that we can now enter it. (The tax man gives us something the workers found--a Stone of a Thousand Terrors, which is probably the entry stone to one of the nearby dungeons.) We spent some time wandering the empty interior map, which is a standard 16 x 16. Some of the piles of debris have treasure; some release wood golems.

   

It seems like a nice piece of land, but it looks to me like the king's engineers have built the castle wall outside the moat. That's an unusual approach.

        

Which one of you unimaginative dullards chose "Newcastle"?

      

At this point, I take stock of what we have to do. These are the various things I've left behind me:

   

• Cave of illusion: return and pull the plug now that I know where to boost my strength.

• Witches' Tower: return to explore clouds now that I can read.

• Two dungeons in the southwest area: One of them must open to the Stone of a Thousand Terrors.

• Southern sphinx: no idea.

• Druids who have the last whatever of whatever: no idea.

• Castle Basenji: return now that I can read.

• Northern sphinx: ditto.

• Figure out a way to survive on lava, or just wait until I'm strong enough to suck up the damage.

• Dungeon in E3: no idea.

• Return to Burlock and buy more upgrades for my castle if I can afford it.

    

Miscellaneous notes:

    

• The damned bat queens respawned in Nightshadow again. Was I wrong all along? Does this game feature respawning?

• One night when I slept, an image of Lord Xeen appeared and laughed at me.

      

He looks either futuristic or Japanese.

     

• To give you a sense of the equipment variety, here are some of the things I sold at the last shop reckoning: iron battle axe, amber hand axe, maul, pyric short sword, amber short bow, freezing crossbow, silver broad sword, thermal grand axe, flashing spear, coral flail, bronze helm, brass helm, witch ring mail, incandescent cloak, sonic chain mail, wooden chain mail, glass plate armor, bronze boots, iron shield, gold gauntlets, thunder ring mail, fuming cloak. I don't have time to juggle all the statistics with these various items. I just assume the more expensive one is better and thus sell the cheaper ones.

• If you look at the bed in the king's bedchamber from the direction of the footboard, you can see two eyes under the bed--likely a scared cat.

   

This is not the sort of detail I would usually notice.

     

• I have some items that are supposed to cast "Town Portal." The menu shows a town called "Asp" that I haven't found yet.

    

The little I was fed on the main quest during this session doesn't do anything to dull my perception of Clouds of Xeen as a silly game with a silly plot. These mechanics would have been better served in a title more serious about its world. But as usual, the sheer frequency of stuff happening at least keeps it from being boring.

   

Time so far: 25 hours