The Return of Werdna: Things Remembered

I wonder how many people prank-called Roe Adams with this question.

      

This session mostly involved me running around and trying different things and/or replaying previously-experienced content under different conditions. MALOR was a big help. I begin by covering things I was able to do without a hint.

   

As I covered last time, I lost my first encounter with Hawkwind, who guards the Temple of Kadorto, where the Amulet is found. My attacks couldn't even touch him. But the Oracle had said, "Everyone has a weakness. What is his?" The answer was literally spelled out in the dungeon walls: DINK. I returned to the pentagram at Level 1 and summoned greater demons, a demon lord, and, paging back all the way to the Level 10 pentagram, a dink. If you're wondering what a dink is, he first shows up in The Knight of Diamonds as a "little old man." He has a weak physical attack and only a handful of hit points but--in this game, at least--high magic resistance. Only one is ever summoned.

      

The new party.

     

With the dink in the party, I returned to the castle and made my way to Hawkwind. I had to fight a fixed battle with the Walking Wounded. They're trivially easy, but of course they killed my dink, so I had to reload and try again. He survived the second battle. The Von Halstern Chivalry let me pass without incident because I had the Crystal Rose. We took the elevators up.

   

I wasn't looking forward to fighting the Softalk All-Stars again, but this time they went light on the TILTOWAITs, and I was lucky enough to decapitate the bishop during the first round. The rest of the combat was easy after that. A second battle with temple guards was over in seconds.

   

At last, we were in the temple and in battle with Hawkwind again. He had no particular reaction to the dink before battle. The dink missed his attack the first round, but nailed Hawkwind in the second: 1,313 hit points! Hawkwind died immediately.

     

The author's own avatar's greatest weakness is a dink. My 13-year-old self would have found that delightful.

    

The game has some commentary when the body hits the floor: "As mighty Achilles fell to Paris' arrow, so does Lord Hawkwind fall to the stab of a lowly dink [snicker]! Long will Skara Brae be mourning his passing!"   

    

Particularly the west side of Skara Brae, right? Nudge, nudge.

    

Is this what the Oracle's hints about Homer and The Iliad were about? There are a few problems with it. First, the analogy makes it sound like Paris's arrow is the hero's weakness when instead it's the place that the arrow struck his body. Second, Achilles doesn't die in The Iliad. Homer's account ends before his death, and although the death is foreshadowed, nothing appears in The Iliad about the warrior's famously-vulnerable heel. Nor is the manner of his death mentioned in The Odyssey. But the clues are superfluous anyway since the previous "everyone has a weakness" tells you in much more direct terms what to look for.

    

On I went to the temple beyond.

    

Before you looms the giant statue of the almighty Kadorto. You are not even as tall as his little toe! As you crane your neck backwards and look up, you see the object of your long search. The mystical amulet is dangling from the closed fist of the statue.

     

Just to be clear, the game is suggesting that the statue is over 200 feet tall. That would make the amulet in the accompanying image the size of King Arthur's round table.

         

If I'm not even as tall as his little toe, those braziers must be 50 feet tall. How do they keep them tended?

          

"At last!" you cry, but your joy is short-lived. There is no way that you can see to reach the amulet! Fighting back a growing feeling of desperation, you try everything you can think of to get to the amulet. Every spell you know is useless! You rummage through your items, trying each in turn, hoping that one will be of aid!

    

Sounds like Werdna is a veteran CRPG player. I'm glad the game just scripted that instead of requiring me to do it.

   

What luck! Your Holy Limp Wrist reliquary casts a DIALKO spell! With a feeling of triumph, you watch as the DIALKO takes effect. The hand of the statue softens and opens, freeing the Amulet. To your amazement, the DIALKO spreads out.

   

The newly awakened god yawns and peers down at you with a look of utter contempt. "Insect! So you want this pretty bauble? You have no idea what the powers of this amulet are, or what its real purpose is. Here! Catch it!"

       

Fan theory: The amulet is an infinity stone.

       

Kadorto throws the amulet at you with a disdainful flip of his huge wrist!

   

But is it a limp wrist?

           

You reach out and catch the amulet! You have it in your hand! The Mythril Gauntlet protects you from its raging energies!

   

"Hmmmm . . . ," intones Kadorto. "Think you're clever, don't you? Well, to keep the amulet, you will have to defeat me! Tell me, are you a god?"

     

Thinking quickly, you reply, "Yes!," which seems to be the right answer.

      

Better answer: "No, I am a god-slayer."

    

"Then die like a god!"

      

You draw your blue sword and begin the battle. Ancient forces are pulled into the battle, and your sword begins to glow fiercely. Kadorto lunges down at you, but you leap nimbly aside. His blow makes rubble of the marble floor! Faster and faster your spinning blade weaves a deadly pattern in your hands!

You leap high onto the foot of the throne. Kadorto is just recovering from his attack and is still bent over. On its own volition, the sword licks out and touches Kadorto's chest! The sword scores a critical hit! Kadorto utters a strange gurgle, somewhat like a laugh, then with a shimmer of distorting light, he vanishes!

The priests enter and proclaim you the new god! "What size and shape would you like, oh god?" they ask. "My own will be sufficient," you reply. The priests are not overly impressed. "How quaint," says one, glancing up at the empty throne. "At least Kadorto knew how to look like a god. Well, we will do the best with what we have. Wait until you see the new robes we will design for you, the ceremonies and processionals! We will take good care of you, oh Werdna! Your every wish is our command!"

               

Great. I wish for you to be tortured and executed for calling me "quaint."

           

The years pass quickly as you settle into the god business. Using the power of the amulet, you raise huge temples, spacious retreats, and luxurious monasteries for your loyal priests. Oh, the people grumble under the burden of their tithing. Perhaps you are pushing things a little. "But no," a priest whispers into your ear, "yours is the greater glory. The people love you for it, and you must guide them."

But yet, even though you are a god, now and then, you wonder . . . Have you forgotten something?

    

Again, I am proclaimed a "Wizardry Master Adventurer."

This guy sounds like he must have an interesting backstory.

         

I was surprised that this was an ending for a good-aligned character, so I wanted to see how it differed if I turned evil before going for the amulet. First, you can't get the ending I related last time if you turn evil. Bathing in the pool not only changes your alignment; it also causes your Crystal Rose and all of the trinkets you got from the four chivalric societies to disappear. As for the ending related above . . . nothing changes. I guess alignment doesn't matter if you go for the amulet.

          

Changing your alignment in the pool is a waste of time, since no ending seems to require you to be evil.

       

But I was pretty sure something would change if I had received a different sword from the temple on Level 7. Yes, commenters essentially told me this directly, but also the endgame narrative mentions my "blue sword," so I figured it must have different text for the other two swords. I was right, but I wasn't thinking big enough. Not only does the game have different texts, it has entirely different endings.

  

I discovered this by discarding my West Wind sword and warping to the temple. Seeing that I didn't have any sword, the god gave me the option to choose from among them again. I picked the green sword this time, which is called the East Wind Sword. It has a chance of turning enemies to stone, but I found that less useful than decapitation, and the battle against the Softalk All-Stars was much harder. I ultimately prevailed, killed Hawkwind with the dink, and went into the temple. The text was the same as before up to the point Kadorto told me to "die like a god." Then:

        

This is a surprisingly loaded choice.

       

You draw your green sword and begin the battle. Old forgotten powers awaken and the sword leaps to attack the pompous Kadorto. The sword parries thunderbolt after thunderbolt while you bide your time looking for an opening . . . There it is! A quick thrust to the ankle! Kadorto looks puzzled as a thread of green lightning snakes up his legs. In a flash, he becomes a towering statue of green stone!

     

I wouldn't exactly call that dramatic. I mean, he was a towering statue of stone-colored stone just a minute ago.

  

Fascinated beyond all caution, you reach out to feel the statue. The entire statue crumbles to dust when you touch it! The room is filled with choking dust. You try to run outside, but you can't hold your breath long enough. As you inhale the dust, you hear a smug laugh and Kadorto's voice whispers, "Gotcha!!" You feel yourself stretching and growing rapidly. You are very dizzy . . . The room is spinning around!! You sit down. Ah, that feels much better! You try to stand. What??? You can't move! You can see and hear, but you cannot move!

    

The frightened priests return in the morning and find that a miracle has happened! A somewhat different Kadorto, all green, sits on the throne, the amulet clutched in his fist! There you sit, playing god, aware of each slow second's passing, hoping that some greedy fool will come and try to steal the amulet, releasing you. Centuries pass, and you realize that you got what you always wanted, the adulation and worship of many people. How ironic . . . But you always have this nagging doubt . . . You always wonder . . . Have you forgotten something?

       

That isn't irony, Alanis.

        

So that kind of sucked--and all because I chose a green sword instead of a blue one. Let's try the amber sword, which is called Dragon's Claw. I'm not sure what its powers are. It doesn't seem to do anything special in combat. Accordingly, when I brandished it before Kadorto, he reacted with humor:

      

You draw your Dragon's Claw. It hums with anticipation. Kadorto laughs at you. "What will you do with that?" Actually, you're not quite sure, but it has sustained you through many trials, lending you its strength and energy. Kadorto sends down a pillar of flame . . . and the blade absorbs it! He throws a bolt of lightning, only to see the blade cleave it in half!

   

You feel filled with energy!! You let fly with a mighty blow, and your sword strikes true, slicing deep into the big toe of Kadorto! You feel his life force flowing into you through the sword. As it does, you begin to grow and he begins to shrink! Finally, you are the tall god and he is the puny mortal. "Thank you, free at last," he croaks as he expires!

   

You laugh as the priests scurry around removing the remains. Finally, they all assemble in front of you, abasing themselves and raising their voices upward in supplication: "All pray to you, oh great god Werdna. We rejoice that the weak pacifist Kadorto has been defeated! Take up the sacred amulet. Lead us, oh mighty one, into glorious battle. Make the world tremble at your every step! Let us fill the altars with sacrifices, and the temple with gold and slaves!"

   

The years pass by in a blur of fire, blood, and destruction. Large areas of the world lie desolate. Your priests bloat you with sacrifices and praise. After this, there are other planes to conquer, other planes whose energy can feed your lust for power! You have all your desires, all your dreams fulfilled! But yet . . . Every once in a long while, you wonder . . . Have you forgotten something?

           

This is like that personality test Batlin gives you in Ultima VII. "What is your favorite color?" "Red." "Ah, red, the color of blood and destruction!"

     

So the choice of blue made me a venal god; the choice of green made me an inert god; and the choice of red made me a bloodthirsty god. Where was the Oracle hint about that?

   

I spent another couple of hours answering a bunch of random questions:

   

• What happens if you show up at the meetings of the chivalric orders without the items they want? They tell you to come back when you have those items (albeit cryptically) and then attack you. It's like they know they're all going to be resurrected when you leave the level and return.

    

If you don't have the Daub of Puce.

    

• What if I stay good but drop any of the quest items before visiting the Council of Dukes? If you don't have the Arrow of Truth, Orb of Dreams, Crystal Rose, and chosen sword when you walk into the "donjon," the councils of captains, barons, and dukes just attack you, as they did the first time I entered.

• Do HAMAN and MAHAMAN work after I've turned good? No, it appears they don't work at all in this game.

• Will Boltac's Trading Post sell to me if I'm good? No. It appears that the encounters in Boltac's are identical no matter what.

• Can I get the lych-gate if I'm evil? No. Someone tell me if you know differently, but it seems to me that the lych-gate is a huge red herring. You can't get it, nothing happens there, and you don't need to pass through this area at all.

• What if you show up at Kadorto's statue without the Mythril Gloves? You catch the amulet in your bare hand, immediately die, and wake up in your tomb on Level 10 again.

       

Who are you calling a "poof"?

        

• What if you show up at Kadorto's statue without the Holy Limp Wrist? You're unable to do anything. The priests laugh at you. One of them tells you to "Try again tomorrow," and you can leave the temple and go search for what you're lacking.

        

Why is there no ending in which I can kill all the priests?

     

• What if you show up at Kadorto's statue without any of the three swords? Kadorto taunts you for coming before him "armed with mere toys." He says, "Back to your bier, old fool!" and you wake up in your tomb on Level 10.

     

This must not have sounded too bad when spoken.

     

Even with all that accomplished, I knew there was another end. I knew it because I'd been hearing for years about the "grandmaster" ending, but I also would have figured it out from the Oracle's clues. There are too many that don't apply to anything you experience getting to those four endings--the Qabalah, the Root of the World, the Nyin. I had that Void Transducer--what was it for? And, of course, all the other endings had ended with, "Have you forgotten something?"

   

I fixated on the Oracle clue that, "The cenotaph hides the secret way." I figured it had something to do with the lych-gate, battled my way through Boltac's again, and tried using the Void Transducer at the square where it said I found the lych gate. There was no effect. I re-explored the three levels of the castle, making sure there was no way into those "solid" areas and that there were no hidden paths and walkways on the upper floors. 

        

I got this message no matter where I tried to use the Void Transducer.

           

Thinking about the "cenotaph" again, I thought it might refer to Werdna's tomb in the dungeon. Cenotaph comes from the Greek kenos taphos, or "empty tomb." It generally refers to a tomb erected for someone whose actual body is missing or buried elsewhere, but I suppose it could apply to someone whose body has been moved from the original location. Usually that doesn't happen because the person got up and walked away, but these are extraordinary circumstances.

Thus, I MALORed back down to Level 10 of the dungeon and poked around the place where the game started. I tried using my various items (I was so sure the Void Transducer would do something) to no avail. It was time for a hint. I decrypted the ROT-13 hints that various commenters left on my "Mysteries of the Oracle" post and hit upon one from Adamant: "The roots of the world. The lowest floor. Below ten."

   

There's a floor below Level 10? That was an exciting revelation! I doubled my efforts to figure out what to do in the tomb, because for some reason I thought I'd find my way there by finding or creating a staircase down. I tried every ally from the pentagram again, thinking it might have something to do with their abilities or the spells they cast. After a while, it hit me to just try MALORing there. I stood on the pentagram, cast it, set the dial for Level -1 . . . and bounced back to where I was. I tried again aiming for coordinates (0,0) on the level and got the same result.

       

You have to remember where the game started to understand where the "cenotaph" is.

      

I was just about to capitulate and look up the answer when I decided to restart the game and verify where Werdna actually wakes up. It turns out that he wakes up not on the pentagram but in the square one step south of the pentagram. If this is where his cenotaph is, I reasoned, the spell might work here. I cast MALOR again for one level down, and goddamned if I didn't find myself at (10,0) in a brand new level. There was some fist-pumping in Chez Bolingbroke, let me tell you.

   

And then I realized that after this long, long game, I still had another level to map.

   

Time so far: 67 hours