NetHack: The Blurst of Times

No, I don't want my #$&*@ possessions identified.

The saying goes that given an infinite amount of time, a monkey pounding at a typewriter will eventually produce Hamlet. It's too bad I know it's not true. Otherwise, it might give me hope that some random key combination will eventually produce a winning NetHack screen.

Let's begin by analyzing why the old monkey adage isn't true. First of all, it doesn't matter whether you phrase it as a single monkey on a single typewriter given infinite time or an infinite number of monkeys given a finite amount of time, or whatever. As long as any one of the dimensions of the problem is infinite, the mathematics are essentially the same as if they all are.

But if you're going to rest the argument on mathematics, you have to recognize two things:

1. There isn't enough energy in the universe for the monkey to type long enough to have even a one-in-a-trillion probability of even typing "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune."

2. Just because a series of events have a cumulative probability of 1 doesn't guarantee that it will ever happen, since each trial is independent. It violates no laws of probability for that monkey to bang at the typewriter for a billion years and never type the letter a, let alone "This above all: to thine own self be true."

So while it would be nice to think that all the time I've spent on NetHack will eventually produce an ascension, it's really just a gambler's fallacy. I could easily never ascend. It's entirely possible for none of my characters to get past Level 1 from now on, even.

I was reminded of this a couple months ago, when a reader wrote to me about his NetHack experience. At first, I thought it was a little odd that he was telling me, but then I realized that when your Level 20 character dies on Level 26 with two dozen active intrinsics and a blessed scroll of genocide you never got to use, who else are you going to tell? Your co-workers? Your spouse? The bartender at Applebee's? No, you have to write to someone who will empathize with that tragedy, and that's a service I'm happy to provide.

Anyway, my correspondent started his posting with: "I had some time off this week, and was resolved to finally ascend in NetHack after 25 years of intermittent tries."

Temporary insanity is really the only explanation for this statement. Anyone who's played the game for more than 25 hours, let alone 25 years, should know that you can't simply "decide" to ascend no matter how much time you're willing to put into it. It's like saying, "I had a week off so I decided to go to Vegas and make $20,000." (Actually, I think that might be easier.)

This is just a random image to show how much a loose NPC dwarf can mess up a level with his pick-axe.

It's been a while since I posted on NetHack, but that isn't because I haven't been playing. To the contrary, I've fielded almost four dozen characters in the past six months. But I wanted to wait until I had something more significant to report than I did last time, when Haran the Barbarian reached the castle and upper levels of Hell, although without much of a plan, and without having really explored the castle.

Shortly after Haran's discouraging death, I decided that you were all right: there was no way I was ever going to win the game without looking at spoilers. Not unless I was willing to jettison the rest of my blog and spend all my time on NetHack. My posting on "The Great Heist"--and I admit it wasn't all that clear in this regard--was supposed to convey that I had, in fact, looked at spoilers, had seen what major steps "ascending" required, and was assembling a master plan to reach that point--a plan that included a detailed "shopping list" of items and intrinsics needed before hitting the castle. Experienced players call this their "ascension kit."

Based on the intrinsics that I wanted in my kit, I decided to spend the rest of NetHack 3.0.9 playing an elf. The elf starts with reasonably decent statistics--not as good as the barbarian, but decent. More important, he comes with several intrinsics: automatic searching, see invisibility, sleep resistance, and speed. Some of these are hard to obtain through the normal mechanism of eating corpses. Automatic searching, for instance, is not available through any corpse-eating; you have to be a archaeologist or tourist at Level 10 (monks and rangers aren't in this version) or an elf at any level or find a Ring of Searching (thus wasting a ring slot). Seeing invisibility only comes from one creature--the stalker--and you have to already be invisible when you eat it. Sleep resistance is another intrinsic that only comes from one monster: an orange dragon.

The many benefits of being an elf.

 
The second reason I decided to stick to the elf is that it's not available as a class in later versions. Somewhere around version 3.2, races and classes are separated, and the elf's abilities are absorbed by the ranger class.

Thus I have since December thrown a company of elves into the Mazes of Menace, most of them dying around Level 8 or 9, often at the jaws of soldier ants. (Man, I know I'm supposed to save Scrolls of Genocide for higher-level creatures, but I sure would love to use them on soldier ants)

For a while, I gave all my elf characters different names, but I got sick of thinking them up, so I eventually settled on Ellasar and used it over and over. The one I'm about to describe might have been my 20th or so. I didn't really start taking notes about his adventures until he made it to dungeon level 15. At that point, he was at character level 10.

The first screenshot I took of this Ellasar. He's just eaten a hill giant corpse and increased his strength to 17.

I'd been playing him on and off for about four days at this point. Of his adventures, only a few things stand out:

1) On an early level, I'd taken a chance drinking from a fountain and a water demon offered me a wish. I asked for a Scroll of Genocide, one of the top things for any ascension kit. Later, I found another one. By the time I reached level 15, I had two potions of water in my inventory, and I was just waiting for an alignment-friendly altar to turn them into holy water and bless the Scrolls of Genocide. Blessed Scrolls of Genocide wipe out entire monster classes rather than individual monsters, and my plan was to use them on some of the more troublesome creatures at higher levels--probably liches and mind flayers.

2) Up to Level 15, I hadn't found a single store. I was walking around with a ton of cash--more than 4,000 gold pieces.

3) I don't think I encountered any soldier ants, either.

4) The only altar I found was back on Level 3. I kept trekking back up there from lower levels to test whether certain items in my inventory were cursed.

5) It took me a long time to improve my weapons and armor. I never found a good replacement for the blessed elven short sword that my elf started with, nor the elven mithril coat he was wearing. It took me until about Level 13 when I killed some soldiers to get some good supplementary armor, including a +1 small shield, a pair of fencing gloves, a pair of hard shoes, and--best of all--a cloak of displacement. Also on the same level, I found what turned out to be a blessed scroll of enchant weapon, which turned my +1 short sword into a +4.

I really like the cloak of displacement.

My inventory at this point was pretty good. I was wearing a circular amulet whose purpose I didn't know at the time (it later turned out to be a resist poison amulet, which was redundant with my intrinsic resistance), plenty of food, a ring of fire resistance and a ring of protection, two wands of cancellation (very effective against magic monsters), a wand of lightning for engraving ELBERETH, two unicorn horns (for dispelling blindness, confusion, etc.), a lizard corpse in case a cockatrice hissed at me, and a pick axe for carving my own paths. The major item lacking from my desired "kit" at this point was a blindfold. I had the "telepathic" intrinsic from eating a floating eye, and in previous games I found the combination of that and a blindfold almost essential.

Part of Ellasar's Level 15 inventory.

For other intrinsics, thanks to careful eating of the right monsters, I was poison resistant, fire resistant, cold resistant, and sleep resistant. I had hoped to find a Ring of Teleport Control so I could then eat something that granted teleportitis; other than that, shock resistance was the only thing on my shopping list.

 

At this point, I was still cautious. I'd been here before, plenty of times. My last Ellasar, in fact, had died at Level 20.

The level featured a barracks of soliders, which I defeated one-by-one, then spent a ridiculous amount of time--like all day one day--carefully testing much of their gear. But when I was done, I had an armor class of -17, so it was well worth it.

And to think I nearly fled when I saw this many soldiers.

Highlights from the next few levels included:

• I found an identify spellbook on Level 18. I was delighted when I saw what it was. Unfortunately, none of my castings worked, and I ended up wearing it out without identifying a single thing.

Ellasar's spell list is a little paltry.

• On Level 20, I ran into a stone giant. I was satiated at the time, so I retreated to the stairs and waited upstairs until I was hungry so I could eat it and get a point of strength. While I was waiting upstairs, I made the rookie mistake of holding down the SPACE bar too long (instead of just typing in a number of turns, which is like NetHack 101) and nearly got killed by something called a "baluchitherium."

• Later on Level 20, I finally found my blindfold! This is when I started to think Ellasar might be going places.

This is that weird "fungus level" I don't really understand.

• On Level 21, I killed my first dragon of the game--a blue one. I was pissed. I needed to eat a blue dragon for shock resistance, but I was already satiated. I decided not to risk choking and moved on.

• Level 22 brought an altar with a priestess. I gave her the huge pile of gold I was carrying, and she gave me the "protected" intrinsic. I tried to convert my potions of water to holy water, but it didn't work. It turns out the altar was "neutral" and I was lawful. I started to despair of ever getting holy water.

Ellasar fails the "atheist" conduct.

• But Level 23 brought an altar to a chaotic god, so I started to have hope about Level 24. Then I stepped on a teleport trap and ended back on Level 6. It took me a while to work my way back down. I killed a wraith on the way, ate its corpse, and rose to Level 14.

• I finally found a lawful altar on Level 25, made 4 potions of holy water, and dipped my Scrolls of Genocide within them. Bring on the liches!

The power is mine! Bwu-ha-ha-ha-ha!

• On Level 26, a bunch of statues clued me in as to the presence of a medusa. I put on my blindfold and took care of her. There was also a "treasure zoo" on the level, which I dismantled with rapidity. With my 18+ strength, -18 AC, and pile of wands, I was feeling pretty invincible. I at last descended below the Dungeons of Doom for perhaps only the third time since December.

In the maze levels that followed, I stopped and searched for traps a couple of times between steps, checked my blindfold frequently, and walked slowly. It was tedious, and I forced myself to take breaks when it seemed like I was getting impatient and going too quickly. The way to play NetHack at all levels, but especially at these levels, is step, pause, scan, search, think, step.

I'm glad I didn't step on that.

At length, I arrived at the "castle" level, and unlike usual, I had a way to cross the moat: a pair of "boots of water walking" I'd found a few levels prior. I skirted the castle, dealing with the eels in the moat, the xans on the rampart, and the assorted minotaur. After that, it took me a while to get in. The wiki says something about playing a tune on a musical instrument, but that must have come in a later version because I've never found a musical instrument in this game. What worked for me was a Wand of Striking on the drawbridge.

The center of the castle was full of liches, who immediately tried to start cursing my stuff. It was time to shine. I read the Scroll of Genocide and wiped the entire lich race from the dungeon!

I really wish I could use this on cliff racers.

At last--for the first time--I had the fabled Wand of Wishing from the castle. Because I hadn't otherwise found one, and I needed it to progress, I made my first wish for a Ring of Teleport Control. Unfortunately, that was my only wish: the Wand had no more charges. I held onto it in case I found a Scroll of Charging later.

You've probably been reading all of this wondering how Ellasar ultimately died, so here's the twist: he's not dead. But he's stuck. As experienced NetHack players know, there are no "down" stairs after the castle; you have to get to the levels in Hell by teleporting. The options for doing so are limited. I need either a level teleport trap (they disappear when you first trigger them, though, and I can't find any more), a cursed potion of gain level, or a cursed scroll of teleportation. Actually, since I have some unholy water, regular versions of those items would work, too. Or a Scroll of Charging to recharge my Wand of Wishing.

Thus, for the last few days, for an hour or so a day, I've had Ellasar mincing about the lower levels, fighting random encounters, hoping to run into some foe that has one of these items. But there's a palpable sense of impending doom as I do so; it seems all but inevitable that something will eventually kill me, or rust monsters will slowly ruin all my equipment, or I'll accidentally walk into a patch of water and drown.

I'll let you know how Ellasar ultimately fares, but however it ends, I suspect he'll be my last character in this version.