Hero's Quest...Will Start After the Pillaging

Isn't that convenient. It's almost as if some force is conspiring to keep me in a confined area.

I've written the following in-character, with annotated references to some notes and commentary at the end. It's a slightly different way to approach blogging, but I thought I'd give it a try for a posting or two.

Day 1

At last, I've arrived in Spielburg. An avalanche conveniently closed the valley behind me just as I cleared it. I imagine I'm going to be stuck here for a few months. That means I'd better avoid upsetting the populace too much: If they run me out of town, I've got nowhere else to go.

The guy with the yo-yo turns out to be a "goon," which is an actual race in this game, somewhere between a human and an ogre.

As I wandered in the front gates, a yokel smoking a pipe on the front porch of the sheriff's office greeted me as Sheriff Schultz Meistersson (1). As a thief, I'm always eager to see who represents The Law. Sheriff Meistersson didn't seem like much to worry about, but his companion did: an ugly lummox appropriately named Otto von Goon. He was playing with a yo-yo. He worried me. Dumb people are easy enough to trick, but really dumb people are impossible to trick.

Nothing like confessing your own ineptitude to a complete stranger.

Right away, the Sheriff announced that the town was in need of a hero. Bad move, sheriff. That shows weakness right off the bat. Now that I know you can't protect your little town, the question becomes: will I protect it? Or will I take advantage of its lack of protection? I guess it depends on how much I like the people.

If he doesn't have enough men to handle them, he certainly doesn't have enough to handle me!

I spent a few minutes chatting with Meistersson and grunting with Otto. Apparently, the monsters that come down from the mountains every winter have been lingering longer than normal, and a group of brigands has been robbing merchants. He suggested I talk to someone named "Wolfgang" in the Guild Hall about the monsters, and a merchant staying at the Hero's Tale Inn about the brigands. I figured I'd head to the hall and see what quests were available. As my mentor taught me, there's no point going through the trouble of stealing when you can make your living honestly. Wait...I think that might be the other way around.

On the way to the Guild Hall, I passed a neat-looking little house with an old woman sleeping in a rocker out front. This is the kind of place I feel really bad about burglarizing because--you know--old woman. But she wouldn't wake up no matter how many times I shouted at her, so I figure anyone who sleeps that soundly offers an opportunity too good to pass up.

Well, I wasn't going to log my real purpose for being in town!

The Guild was an empty, drafty old building with only one occupant, an old man dozing by the fire (that's the source of this town's problem: everybody just sleeps all the time!). Heads decorated the walls, and I noted a moose, a saurus, a troll, a gryphon, a dragon, a cheetaur, and an antwerp. Plaques indicated that most of the beasts had been slain by Wolfgang Abenteurer, the guild master (who I took to be the old man by the fire). I logged my name in the adventurer's book and checked out the quest board.

There were six notices posted:

• The healer is looking for a lost ring.
• The healer is also looking for spell components.
• Elsa von Spielburg (presumably related to the Baron Stefan von Spielburg) has been kidnapped.
• Baronet Barnard von Spielburg is missing.
• The castle is looking to capture or kill someone called the "Brigand Warlock."
• Killing or capturing the Brigand Leader will be rewarded with the title "Hero of the Realm."

I woke up Guildmaster Wolfgang and asked him about the various heads and notices. It turns out Elsa von Spielburg was kidnapped 10 years ago, when she was 8, meaning that she ought to be a comely lass of 18 by now. I'll definitely prioritize this one (2). Barnard, her brother, disappeared five years prior, and it doesn't look good: his horse was found with deep claw marks.

Wolfgang also shed some light on why the valley is so cursed with monsters. Baron von Spielburg used to be a "brave protector" and kept the monsters and brigands at bay, but he angered a ogre sorceress named Baba Yaga and she placed a curse on him. Wolfgang attributes to the curse the loss of both Barnard and Elsa, as well as the late monster infestation. The Baron has become a shut-in and is in danger of losing his land.

The dragon, it turned out, was one of two that came to the valley some years prior. The baron killed it (this was pre-curse), but the other flew away and is sometimes still seen flying high overhead. The antwerp was one of many that infested the valley, and it would have been overrun if two "tourists" from Andromeda had not shown up to drive them off. Wolfgang thinks Andromeda is up north somewhere.

It sounded like I needed to head to the castle to get some more information about the baron, his children, and this Baba Yaga, but I figured I'd explore the rest of the town first. My first stop was the mage's shop, on the same street as the guild, and boy did they go in for the flashy presentation. There was an eye above the door that followed me as I walked down the street. As I approached, flames erupted from the sign, and the front door just dissolved. Zara, the proprietor, appeared behind the counter in a bolt of lightning as her familiar gamboled on the shelf nearby.

Zara had several spells and potions for sale, but they were all beyond my purse for the moment. She told me about Erana, a powerful spellcaster who lived in the valley long ago and cast a spell that protects the town against violence and magic. She was buried in a glade called "Erana's Peace" someplace north of town, and it's said that adventurers can heal and rest there. I tried asking her about some of the other stuff on her shelves, but she got annoyed with me and disappeared. Typical mage.

The Hero's Tale Inn was run by Shameen, a Katta from the desert lands of Shapeir to the south, and his wife Shema. He told me that Abdulla, the merchant recently robbed, would be in the inn around suppertime. I took a seat and Shema came out from the kitchen to serve me. She was very scantily dressed, which would have been awesome if she wasn't...you know...an anthropomorphic cat. I dined on some fine lamb stew and left the creatures alone until later.

Cute.

Back at the main entrance, I tested what Zara told me about Erana's spell by trying to knife the sheriff. I couldn't bring myself to do it. But was that a spell or simple self-preservation?

I hope the spell doesn't apply to thievery, too.

The barbershop was closed, so I moved on to the other street. There, manning a booth that read "farmer's market," was--hell, yeah!--a beautiful young woman with long, flowing blonde hair, enchanting eyes, flawless skin, and...hooves. Goddamn it, that's what I get for looking at their faces first. She was a centaur, the daughter of a local farmer named Heinrich Pferdefedern. Oh, what the heck. I asked her out anyway (3). She turned me down flat.

A fine young filly if I ever saw one.

She had vegetables for sale, but I was a bit embarrassed by the rejection so I moved on.

The dry goods store, run by a confused old codger, had weapons, armor, daggers, rations, and ale flasks for sale for when I'm a bit richer. The bakery and butcher's shop were closed, and some kind of barn at the end of the street was locked. A nearby dark alley held only a filthy beggar. That left the tavern next door.

Don't mind if I do...oh, wait, you mean you.

Calling the tavern a "dive" would be an insult to dives. The floor was sticky with beer, and a pool of vomit covered one of the stools. In addition to the bartender, there were four occupants of the tavern: the barber, seated on a stool and nursing a pint of ale, the butcher and baker, playing cards (I could see no candlestick maker), and a goon named Crusher sitting on a chair, blocking a trap door.

I don't understand. Will the answers to my stupid questions be outside?

I didn't feel much like a drink, but it seemed like this was the place to ask about the local thieves' guild, if any place was. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of asking Crusher first, and he threw me out the front door for my trouble.

It was getting late, so I returned to the inn to see if Abdulla the merchant was about. He was, and in quite an agitated state. He related that the band of brigands, including a hooded leader with a high-pitched voice, a minotaur, and a giggling warlock, used magic to blind him and his six guards and assistants, then made off with their treasure. Oddly, the leader spared their lives. He thinks the warlock had "gnome blood" but otherwise had nothing to share but laments. I thanked him, gave him a couple of silver pieces (he was so grateful he promised to take me to Shapeir on his magic carpet once I recovered his treasure; sure, buddy), and left.

By then, it was full dark and the town gates were shut, and I was left with the option of purchasing a room at the inn or trying the non-heroic side of my trade. I decided there were too many great things in town to buy to remain a pauper, and I went about selecting my target. The butcher, baker, barber, adventurer's guild, and dry goods shop were all barred from the inside, leaving my only options the old woman's house and the sheriff's house. Deciding "no guts, no glory," I decided to go with the sheriff's house. It took me a few hours to pick the front door lock--it was a lot easier in the instruction book--but the experience was valuable for my skill, intelligence, and agility.

Who said "Snick"?

The first item I tried to loot was a little box on the coffee table. Unfortunately, it was a music box! When I opened it, it played a tune that woke everyone in the house (4). Fortunately, the sheriff thought it was Otto messing with it, and Otto, who got up in response to the sheriff's yell, was so tired that he didn't see me.

When Otto went back to bed, I wiped the sweat off my brow and pocketed the music box, along with a vase on the mantel and a candelabra on a desk. The desk itself held a few silver pieces. There was a safe concealed behind a painting with another bag of silver. I eyed the three bedroom doors before deciding not to press my luck and headed back outside. Success in my first job! (5).

The result if I hadn't ignored those doors.

The problem was, I still needed some place to sell my stolen loot. The thieves' guild had to be in the trap door below the bar; why else would the goon have gotten so upset when I asked about it? Heading back to the bar, I was distracted by a shiny glow coming from the alleyway. I investigated, and saw a gold piece just sitting on the ground at the end of the alley.

What happened to Erana's spell? (This is actually explained later by Erasmus: the spell missed the alley and the thieves' guild.)

I knew it was a ruse, but I needed to meet some thieves, so I walked into the trap. Sure enough, two hoodlums appeared from behind some barrels and demanded my money. They sure were disappointed when I made the thief's sign! They gave me the password to the guild--"Deutschmark"--and told me to give it to Crusher.

The guild was more dismal than the tavern above it, but at least it was a guild. As I entered, the guildmaster was ranting over the general state of professional thievery in Spielburg. He didn't want to talk with me until I paid the fee of 25 silvers, which I did gladly. (I was happy I saved my money.) At that point, I was able to sell my ill-gotten gains and buy a tool kit.

Intoxicated with my success, I decided to break into the old lady's house while the night was still young. There, I stole coins from her purse, some pearls from her knitting bag, a couple of candlesticks, and gave a petting to her friendly cat. I avoided a covered bird cage in the corner and slinked out.

When I was done selling those items, I had 3 gold pieces and 256 silver pieces to my name--much better than when I started. Unfortunately, I seem to have exhausted my supply of available targets within the town. Maybe there are more in the countryside. Or maybe I'd better concentrate more on being a hero.

A cool mini-game, only available to thieves.

Flush with cash, I decided to challenge the guildmaster to a game of Dag-Nab-It (6), which involves daggers and a dartboard. I bet small amounts of money while analyzing the best angles and force, but I couldn't get anywhere with it (7). After a few games, I was exhausted, but the inn was closed for the night (8). I tried going back to the guild, but it was closed, too. Having nothing else to do, I loitered around the town entrance until morning, climbing up and down the closed gate for exercise, and picking the lock on the barred barbership for practice.

This raises climbing skill, strength, and occasionally vitality.

The next day, I felt so flush with cash that I bought a "flame dart" spell and a healing potion from Zara, a bushel of apples from Hilde the centaur, and two extra daggers and two empty flasks from the shopkeeper. Thus girded, I headed out the front gates to explore!

Now which way shall I go?

Notes and Commentary

1. I'd love for Lori Ann or Corey Cole to comment on the person and place names in the game. They evoke a kind-of Bavarian theme, but do these names--Spielburg, Schultz Meistersson, Hilde, Zara, and so forth--have any special meaning to the creators?

2. Yes, I'm 40, but my character is only like 22, so it's not creepy.

3. Okay, I admit this is a little creepy.

4. The game's music has been very innovative: there's a cool track that plays in the background when you sneak into a house, and the music box in the sheriff's office played "Fur Elise." I'll make a recording at some point during my gameplay. As much as I like the music in the game, it has gotten "stuck" a few times, leaving me with a constant drone in the background, and the only way to get it to stop is to fully quit DOSBox. I'm guessing this is an emulator problem rather than a programming problem.

5. Note how my score kept going up throughout the burglary job. I wasn't planning to rob the old lady's house originally, but I realized that a perfect thief score would depend on it. I've also been getting points for each person I talk to, various things I buy, and many other actions in the game. Since fighters and mages wouldn't be breaking into houses, they get their points through other actions. I know fighters get points for each different type of creature they kill, and mages get points for buying and casting spells. I assume the maximum for all three classes is 500 regardless.

6. Asking the guildmaster about "dag-nab-it" crashes the game--at least in my version. You have to simply type "Play Dag-Nab-It" to play.

7. I spent literally two hours logging the starting positions of the hand, what settings I used, and what the results were before I concluded that there was a strong element of randomness in the game, and success probably depends as much on the "throwing" skill as the settings. Later, after I improved the skill, I was able to win several times.

8. Sleeping is interesting in this game. You have to do it every day or two or you keep getting messages about getting tired. But you can only sleep at night, and only in a few select places: the inn, Erana's Peace (which I'll cover in my next posting), and the hermit's hut (also next time). If there are more, I haven't found them.

I'm really enjoying it so far! I've started over a few times to try different avenues and get different shots--what you've read above is really a composite--but I'm pretty settled into this character for now.